Posted by samx on July 15, 2014, at 19:53:58
Hello everyone!
I would like some input. I'm 33 years old and have been suffering from GAD and OCD since childhood. Due to personal problems I have also been suffering from stronger depression for the last 7 years. I started trying antidepressants 3 years ago. So far NONE has worked or made a noticable difference at all. This is really scary.
My depression is exogenous and endogenous. I have a lot of problems now (bad health etc) and many sorrows but even when I wasn't sick and my situation was still better I was still depressed and always feared loss.
I'm no high achiever because I always think what's this good for? What difference does it make when in the end we all die? This has cost me a lot because I was always so pessimistic and wasn't able to work for something which lies ahead in the future.I have also been tested for ADD because a lot of my symptoms would fit to it. The results were unclear. My concentration wasn't normal and my short term memory, too. I tried Ritalin LA from 5mg to 30mg but didn't really experience a "revelation". I also tried Wellbutrin and it also didn't do anything. Ritalin LA and wellbutrin are the only ADD drugs available where I'm at.
Against depression I tried:
citalopram, remeron, wellbutrin, agomelatine, tianeptine, escitalopramI simply don't understand why does nothing work?
My doc now suggested Lyrica against GAD. I have been taking 50mg daily and I already feel like it's making me dumb and forgetful. I don't think that this is an option for me.
Currently I'm taking 10mg lexapro and 20mg ritalin daily. I simply take the ritalin as augmentation cause I read that it would make SSRIs work better. I have been on 10mg lexapro for 6 weeks and I also feel NO improvement.
I spend most of the day at home. Even going out is often too much for me. I feel really low and have no motivation to do anything. Especially at night I feel more depressed.
I do not feel equally bad all the time. I have so so days where all my sorrows are a bit more distant. And then there are days where all my problems come crashing down on me and I think about how bad my situation is and then I simply cannot defend myself or shake these thoughts off. This is really scary. On such days I feel like I am absolutely powerless towards my depression. I hate being depressed. But I don't see how I could just pull myself out. I have too many issues which I cannot simply solve and then everything is fine again.
I also tried a few therapists and I had no luck. Their advice either didn't really help me at all or they made me more depressed. I feel like finding a good therapist is almost impossible. If there are good ones out there then I have no idea how to find them. Those which I went to also appeared to be good.
Anyway, what do you think? Do you have any ideas or suggestions? I really hate being the way I am.
I simply cannot be "happy". Even back when I wasn't sick yet I hardly ever experienced happiness cause I was always worrying.For example I cannot imagine at all how people can have children and not worry all the time. If I had children I'd worry all the time that something could happen to them.
I always think about how fragile everything is and how senseless life seems in contrast to this.
Why do all the things we do?
poster:samx
thread:1068363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140609/msgs/1068363.html