Posted by AMD on April 3, 2013, at 10:11:49
In reply to Re: Does this get better?, posted by rjlockhart37 on April 2, 2013, at 23:25:29
I am having a lot of anxiety that I've triggered a depression that will never go away. I've been fine for years, even when I used. I'd feel tired, but never depressed, per se, and certainly never so depressed I was having trouble getting out of bed.
But after Friday night I feel not only severely depressed, but also sad and "dirty" -- feeling that I'm disgusting and hopeless and one of "those" people who end up as sad cases, with rotting teeth and no hope of a normal life. It's as if for one night I lived the cliche -- dingy apartment, inhalants, smoking crystal (which didn't really do anything to make me stay up -- I crashed around 10 a.m. in the morning after I might have after a big coke binge).
Now I am reading about use of meth permanently killing dopamine receptors, trigging cognition loss, depression. If it truly possible that I am now subject to a life of pain from the one night? Will the depression ever dissipate? This is not a feeling I'd ever hoped to return to, as it's been years since I've felt this hopeless. (2004/2005.)
The only silver lining is it has finally awoken me to the extent of my lack of control, but if I'm facing a life of blues, fatigue, and mal-health then what good will that do?
amd
> I've been in similar circumstances, but not similar, I did crystal meth and also ICE but there basically the same thing. Meth makes me feel good and empowered and extremely motivated to do things. Yet when im using it, I constantly think about how im gonna get more of it, it makes the mind a prisoner having to constantly thinking of the next good feeling, and if I don't have it, I get vary depressed and hopeless because all the pleasure is not there. What to do, sober up and learn to feel in control after couple weeks of being clean, the reason I did meth because I wanted to feel good and have the rush of everything....train the mind to feel in control while being sober....medications will help with other things.
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poster:AMD
thread:1041529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130322/msgs/1041606.html