Posted by Phil on January 3, 2013, at 13:20:04
In reply to Re: Phil, I was rolling back the tapes and... » Phil, posted by gadchik on January 3, 2013, at 12:54:37
Just being honest, we would stay up and talk all night on acid. Sh*t got deep too.
I had a great time for a while. I was always in a band and late hours and fun was always there.
But I was a loner at the same time and needed to be alone to keep going.
When I quit drinking and started meds my life was never the same. Meds helped but for the last 30 years I've probably actually lived for two.
I leave the apt now only when I have absolutely no choice. I rarely get phone calls or even emails. That's my life. I don't regret it because I don't care. I have a lot of friends but no desire to see them and no med or therapy can fix it. Luckily I like being alone. Ted Kazinsky got out more than I did.
I have an older brother who isn't much better and my mother was a bit of a recluse too.
The irony is that I'm good with people and can talk to anyone. But it's not worth it, it wears me out. Sad? When I was in sales for half my life I was good at it. Kind of like Dick Cavett, he could do his show with severe depression. Later he would watch the tape to see how bad it was. He said he couldn't even tell he was depressed. Hopefully the rest of his life was better than mine.One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
Friedrich Nietzsche
poster:Phil
thread:1034566
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121231/msgs/1034571.html