Posted by ChicagoKat on November 23, 2012, at 9:44:33
Hi all, sorry i've not been around of late. i've been in pretty bad shape.
i wonder if any of you could shed some light on something for me. many of you may remember a post i made a couple of weeks ago asking for help because i was really, really, really down. everyone was so great in their responses and suggestions. but in the end, a few days after crying for help b/c i felt like dying, i just got better one day, for no apparent reason. there had been no change in my meds (i'm on 30mg/day Nardil and 10mg tid Ritalin plus gabapenting for anxiety and Elavil 50mg hs for sleep). It was great to feel better, but, again for no apparent reason, a few days after getting better i took a nosedive back into the abyss, where i have been living for about a week until a couple of days ago when, once again for no apparent reason, i felt better. Then yesterday afternoon, another fall into the abyss, where i am now living again.
So I go up and down between the worst dysphoria imaginable to feeling simply depressed. And there is absolutely no reason I can think of for this, no changes in my meds, no changes in my life. It almost feels like a switch is being turned on and off in my brain.
I would think that i have become bipolar (i have never been diagnosed as bipolar in the decades i've had depression) but the swings aren't between dysphoria and mania, they are between feeling bad and feeling really, really bad.
And each time I fall into the abyss, I seem to go deeper; I seem to feel worse and worse each time. at this rate i will reach china in about a week.
I should also mention that when I am in the state of really nasty dysphoria, my meds don't seem to work. the ritalin i'm on doesn't even make a dent in my mood.
I've never experienced anything like this before.
So, any ideas anyone??? Any advice?
I am really scared by these incredibly deep dark depressions. I am so afraid that they will eventually get so bad that i will become catatonic or something, or that i will feel so much pain that i will give up and end it all.
Help, please!!! I just can't go on like this.
Ive got a really bad disease
Its got me begging on my hands and knees
So take me to emergency
Cause somethin seems to be missing
Somebody take the pain away
Its like an ulcer bleeding in my brain
poster:ChicagoKat
thread:1031737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121113/msgs/1031737.html