Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 6, 2012, at 14:39:02
today I had to talk to the insurance company about the stolen car what happened a couple months ago.... the person who stole it hit a police car and was arrested, but he didnt have any money and my parents insurance has to cover it. I talked to then this morning, and had go into detail....someone I live with said I did ok, but went into the other room and ... said i yakked on and has no sense. I don't know why im posting this, but my biggest memory of pain is people saying nice things to me, but then I overhear in the other room of how they really feel...comments of dislike and making fun of me yet its mature way doing it...like grown up ways of doing it....starting the quiet treatment. Its not fun....because im not part of the gossip, I am the gossip they are talking about. The worst feeling of being excuded...It just....doesnt feel good. My skills to like an adult and have a social life and getting into the groove of people, i can't do it. I can fake having good social skills, but it doesnt last long periods...i can go to a party and have charisma and talk vary well....it just takes too much energy to keep doing it over long periods of time. I hide alot because im just so afraid and know that the real person has low interaction in the real world....well that's enough, im talking too much. I just have to vent this, because no one knows...my blogs of life are on babble.
But...moving on my doctor is working with me, but its just not enough because they don't know my story...or if they do its not really validated and ignored sometimes. I've got to learn how to play chess with this....and with my psychologist too....all this stuff about spiritual connetion with God and Lucifer is a attempt to have a force enpower me to not be afraid anymore. All that stuff i've posted on lucifer, he does come in my thoughts and its vary real, the stuff thats heard is accurate with reality...and when he does pop up in these thoughts it totally makes me unafraid, empowerment...its like getting energy from another source. Still...im talking too much...i shouldnt be sharing this because it is totally wack.
i don't know....all i know is i've got to grow out of stupid fear, and do something with my life.
r
not a scholar but understand distress
Med:
Prozac 60mg
Lamictal 200mg
Zyprexa 20mg
Nuvigil 250mg
encourage you to avoid false beliefs
poster:rjlockhart37
thread:1030831
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121029/msgs/1030831.html