Posted by chicagokat on August 5, 2012, at 11:38:37
In reply to depression at a high, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 5, 2012, at 1:16:20
> its almost 1am...im of course posting my usal times late at night....but I gotta get to the point i have been so depressed, this mental pain has caused me to always avoid thing that I would make errors such as jobs, it isnt this fantasy of being self-counsious like my mother used to tell and never listened when people made fun of me. Its reality, this social games people will play, and the realization that I need special help on things. People will look at others during this little game they play and they will speak through their eyes to others, and then leave...the'll say real flattering things, tell a bunch of empty promises and will turn on people. It's like Judas in the bible, they will come and give you kisses of politeness and then stab you and leave.
>
> I would mention the fact of lucifer being in my thoughts...but Its too complcated to descibe. It's a spiritual connection, my psychologist told me again that he is liar...and mental distress is his favorite weapon form along with psyhical sickness. Im prone to make really dumb descions, so hopefully ill find the truth and not walk away from it.
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> I don't know what to do im just flooded with depression and sadness, but I feel that even posting here on babble, its not going to make anything better. When I use babble...i get a good feeling when I maybe connect with someone on good terms...but this state if feel like no one or no thing can get into the locked down mind. And then get attacked on a subject that's not part of my real issue. Well anways....thank for listen folks...
> rjrj, I'm so deeply sorry that you are feeling so bad. If it helps at all, know that you are not alone; there are people who care, even if they can't really change things, and there are people (like me) who feel just as bad as you do and truly understand what you are going through. DEPRESSION SUCKS! Especially when you become treatment resistant and you have exhausted all your options for treatment and meds that might help. I'm not suicidal (and I truly hope you are not either), but I really, really wish I could be put in a coma until some new treatment or med comes out that would help me. Remember, it is not the devil that is causing this; depression is absolutely, truly a disease and is in no way, shape or form your fault. You're just unlucky, like a lot of us are. And people that have never experienced it have absolutely no clue how incredibly debilitating it is. I admit I am jealous of those people, and I often think how different my life would be if I weren't so handicapped by depression...I lost my job as a pharmacist b/c of the depression and now I feel like such an unproductive person living on disability. But then I remember that I AM truly very sick and thank goodness for disability.
Anyways, I'm rambling on about myself, but I hope knowing there are others out there who are struggling and hurting as much as you are, and who truly understand and care, helps if only a little bit. Hang in there, take care of yourself, and don't give up hope; I know of many new types of meds that are in clinical trials and will be out on the market in a year or two, and maybe they will help us.
In the meantime, contact me whenever you like.
Take care,
Kat
poster:chicagokat
thread:1022743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120803/msgs/1022755.html