Posted by confused-in-TN on July 24, 2012, at 16:03:37
In reply to Now for a heavily depressing post, posted by Phil on July 5, 2012, at 11:41:23
> How to live. I planned or assumed I would smoke myself to death. Quitting now may postpone that or it may not. My whole family has died from smoking related cancer. Despite my little e cig discovery things aren't so good....
>
> Medications help MI, sometimes, but after 30 years of fighting, I know that I don't have much fight left.
>
> I have two options in my immediate future, as an emotional wreck try to find a job or hope that SSDI is approved. Living with either option is incredibly depressing to me. I will either A. live or B. not live. If I was a gambler, I'd put those odds at 50-50.
>
> It's not easy, is it?
>
> Meds are partially effective but I've always struggled no matter what I was on. Therapy over the last several years has not moved me forward one inch. I guess this is the so called tipping point. Roll the dice.
>
> Maybe tomorrow will be better...and maybe there's a Santa Claus.
>
> But I still have my cat and my brother. Without them... The psych ward nurse called them my tethers. How long does a tether last? How long is a piece of string? Mental illness in full bloom. Stand still and suffer. I've gotten through this a hundred times but it's never been this bleak.
>
> I share too much here. Maybe I should just say I don't feel good. But right now Babble is a lifeline because my cat doesn't speak English and I'd die waiting for my phone to ring and hear someone say, How are you? I think they know. Maybe they've heard enough. I can't blame them.
....That post was a while back, hope by some small chance you are feeling a little better. Just a note...several years back I was feeling much like you do. But as big a wreak as I was I did manage to get a job (who'd of thought). With mess it has helped more than anything. I have to get up, I have to pretend to be normal and sometimes it pretty much feels like I am. Right now I feel pretty lost...lots of bad stuff going on that's hard to take. Have a hard time seeing a good plan for coping. But a lot of that is situational. Just because you are messed up doesn't mean bad things can't happen to you. Please try to hang in there. I know after decades it does get old. Take care
poster:confused-in-TN
thread:1020866
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120718/msgs/1022054.html