Posted by g_g_g_unit on November 4, 2011, at 2:49:37
So my psychiatrist returned from vacation this week. He'd read over the report from the professor he referred me to and decided to take up his suggestions, i.e. increasing the Lexapro to 20mg and switching out Depakote for Zyprexa.
I suppose I'm still hesitant about being on an AP, but don't want to be termed non-compliant because I have no concrete reasons for rejecting a trial. What eased my reluctance was the first that I was more firmly able to voice my insecurities about our therapeutic relationship - namely the fact that, over time, I've grown increasingly more terrified of giving my own input regarding medication. My psychiatrist suggested that I carry around two conflicting images of him: one as a benevolent, sage-like elder (who I'll often have OCD-inspired mental dialogues with when anxious) and the other as someone cruel, close-minded and denying. In other words, a classic case of splitting. Neither, he claims, are accurate.
Anyway, I feel a bit more at ease, but I still have an unfortunate tendency of hiding side-effects from him. Maybe it's his training as a psychotherapist at work, but there'll often be a silence or lag in his responses after I tell him something. In the case of reporting side-effects, I'm overcome by this terrifying feeling that I'm being judged, that he thinks I'm crazy or neurotic or just making stuff up. In the case of Lexapro, I said that it is inspiring a "slight" (to ease the impact) feeling of unreality. I don't know why, but he seemed to detect my reluctance and asked if I was sure the feeling was in fact only "slight". For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to say no.
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1001616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111027/msgs/1001616.html