So Effexor is a no go...

So basically Effexor is the strongest drug I have ever taken! It through me into a mixed state this weekend. I felt it from the first dose. I woke up Friday after two doses and mowed the yard (my wife had been bitching at me for weeks about it). I was feeling better than great. Air drumming on the stirring wheel to Radiohead on the way to work. Tons of coffee. Went for a run late Saturday night, did three miles like it was nothing.

But...I couldn't sleep at all Saturday and by Sunday I was laying in my dark room with my shades drawn and I could literally feel my brain throbbing. It was like someone had turned the volume on my thought up to 110% and I couldn't come down.

Called the emergency exchange. On call pdoc said stop Effexor asap. Haven't had a dose since Saturday. (about 44 hours at this point) Took double my usual risperdal and Tylenol pm last night. Maybe got 4 hour of sleep between pacing from bedroom to the couch and taking showers. Freaking out about calling in sick and hoping my boss won't ask me why. (The last thing you want a corporation to know is that you are bipolar)

Anyhow, I got an emergency appointment with my pdoc today who commended me on being insightful enough to manage my condition. Said to take 3mg of risperdal for a week and do what ever it take to exercise, even just walk around the neighborhood if I feel too tired. I see him again next Monday.

I asked if I should take a leave from work but he said I should push through. He says I'm strong enough.

The thing that freaks me out the most is when I go into mixed state the most morbid memories from my entire life come back into my field of awareness...like my father screaming at me, teachers that treated me poorly, seeing the childhood shrinks, being teased on the playground. It's like total madness. Demons screaming in my head. A darkness you guys probably know real well.

Thank god for risperdal it seems to snap me back every time. The only thing that scares me is over the last four years every time I swing it take more antipsychotic to real me back in. What use to be my emergency manic does is now my maintenance dose.

Bipolar II
Lamictal 150, Topamax 50, Risperdal 2, Cal/Mag, D3 1000, Fish Oil 2400, High Potency Multi

"We're all just walking each other home." -Ram Dass

So Effexor is a no go...

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