Posted by mellow on September 28, 2011, at 21:31:53
Hey guys...been gone a few weeks. Feeling absolutely horrible. I want to scream and cry but I can't. I'm a ball of emotion stuck in my skull. I just kind of shake and have a knot in my gut. I can't really describe my symptoms other than having a crummy outlook on life and being really sensitive to rejection. I swing back in forth all day between wanting to jump off a building and being able to cope with my anxiety and anhedonia. It's like I can't find any joy at all. I've gone to buddhist ceremonies and meditated. I read self help. I play with my dog etc. and I just can't get going for more than an hour or so. I never touch my guitars anymore. I haven't put on my running shoes in 8 weeks.
I feel stuck in therapy. I actually brought my therapist close to tears last week b/c she doesn't understand why I don't see how "wonderful a person I am"...But as we all know it doesn't make a difference to hear that stuff when you feel depersonalized and isolated from the rest of the world.
Anyhow pdoc started me on Effexor 37.5 today. Said it should take two week and I should be skeptical (assume I am manic) if it comes on too fast. Told me to be careful. I have read that it is not approved for bipolar associated depression for this reason but I am on stabilizers so I may be ok. He also mentioned that we may need to discontinue it because I might get my usual spring time hypomania in the new year and Effexor may really complicate that. This really concerns me because I have heard Effexor is nearly impossible to taper. He warned of brain zaps. He does not plan to go above 37.5 however. He says lower doses are more serotogenic rather than effecting the norepinephrine components of the brain.
All in all this puts me on four drugs and I am worried about this just making me more unstable, but it beats the alternative of going on like I have been. I have been getting progressively more depressed and anxious for 5 months. So if anyone has any kind words or experience with Effexor or other NRI's in a cocktail please please post.
Dx: Bipolar II Cyclothymic
Cocktail:
Effexor 37.5
Risperidone 1.5
Lamotrigine 150
Topiramate 50Fish oil 2000
Mega B stress
High Energy Multi
D3 10006-8 cups of coffee daily (And no I can't quit!)
Thanks, mellow
Bipolar II
Lamictal 150, Topamax 50, Risperdal 2, Cal/Mag, D3 1000, Fish Oil 2400, High Potency Multi"We're all just walking each other home." -Ram Dass
poster:mellow
thread:998197
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110925/msgs/998197.html