Posted by BearNCrow on August 28, 2011, at 10:53:53
Hi all! I haven't been around here for a while. Honestly, with the extreme lithium toxicity I was experiencing through the fall and into December and withdrawal from other medications, including unpleasant related symptoms, coupled with two major spine surgeries since January (just found out my surgeon is a fraud/felon and likely had a botched L3-L5 fusion and didn't even have my L5/S1 fused like I was supposed to - meaning one maybe two more major spine surgeries - ugh!), and the birth of my child on April 24th...well...I've had a lot going on.
Short story: Because of my age - 34 - I didn't know what transgender/transsexual was...knew no words for it...no language...no understanding. Thank god younger kids/teens/young adults have a different experience now. When I graduated from college in 1995 it was still the GLB movement.
I was depressed from age 11 (puberty) until I began HRT (testosterone) - I am FTM, female to male - at age 33. I was a cutter, alcoholic, drug addict, reckless behavior extraordinaire, suicide attempter, etc., etc., for 22 years. At age 22 I was diagnosed as bipolar. Depression caused by being trans and not knowing it coupled with ADHD that can be traced back to kindergarten and anxiety got me slapped with the bipolar label, and I "lived" with it for 11 years, taking somewhere between 30-40 medications during those 11 years.
I believe that when I went on T, my brain chemistry shifted. Connections were finally made that had never been made, things were rewired, and my brain literally started rejecting psychotropic medications. Unfortunately no one was monitoring my lithium levels. I became severely memory impaired and cognitively impaired resulting in extensive neuro-psych testing - I was full blown lithium toxic when I took the tests!!! The physical symptoms started just days later. I was basically told that I had severe frontal lobe damage, needed to see a cognitive neurologist asap and that there was no way I could ever learn a new job ever again. I refused to accept this as my fate.
To get the whole story...if you're interested and if you have patience because it is a 3 part video...go to my YouTube channel (zedie36) and look for the videos called Wrong Diagnosis: Deconstructing Bipolar, a 3 part video, and you'll here the whole story there. There is also a video where I take my very last tiny dose of Risperdal...I had to document it for myself if nothing else! Also, I am very open about being trans (my channel documents my transition although most videos discussing me being bipolar are private now for obvious reasons)...I was born this way...it is a part of nature...sex and gender are both on continuums...did you know that there are 50+ chromosomal combinations found in humans, for example?!?!? I have a YT channel for a reason. By watching others' journeys I was able to find myself, and I hope that I have helped and continue to help others in return. I'm an open book...and have MANY books I've started and/or plan to write.
I'm currently taking valium 10mg twice a day for both anxiety and as a muscle relaxer due to the back surgeries, and I started Straterra 3 weeks ago and am still waiting to feel the (hopefully) full effects. That is it...that is all. And I've lived a year of hell since last August, and it isn't stopping, yet I'm stable as a door knob and SO grateful to have awakened to life so that I have been able to experience the emotions and feelings associated with both the good and the bad, the ups and the downs.
Be blessed by your journeys,
Amos
poster:BearNCrow
thread:995081
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110822/msgs/995081.html