Today, by 11:30 am, I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm like the little engine that could. Yes, let's go to the pool. I am in my swim suit and everything.
I lie down just for ten minutes because that's the time I have.
Pit pat footsteps. My son says mom, it's been awhile. Yes, because it's been almost an hour. I think only because I have been a mom that his bare feet on the carpet could still wake me. I am still hyper vigilant at night.
I haven't been able to sleep during the days for months and
months. Never mind I am awake at 4:00 am for months and months too.
This black sleep scares me. I take so long to wake up, focus my eyes; it actually physically hurts in an odd way. I am
barely with it now.
Yesterday it could have happened, but drank some coffee which was a mistake, I think, with Emsam.
I'd rather be tired, but NOT falling asleep. That's how it's been for so long I forgot these wretched spells.
Funny thing is, I think I am finally responding on a mood level to the Emsam.
I see the pdoc tomorrow. Will discuss this. Maybe bump the patch to 9mg. Maybe I can use less Xanax again, now that I think I am no longer withdrawing.
But premedication, I would have these black sleeps during the day. But I made my own hours then and compensated.
I am giving up on normal.
No alerting agents. ProvigI made me a hyped up dysphoric reanimated creature. No add ons. F*ck*ng will power only goes so far.
Anyone else just flipping pass out like this?
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