Posted by manduh on June 12, 2011, at 23:29:09
It's been awhile since I've posted anything on here. I started cymbalta back in January. By all accounts it seemed like to be the drug for me.
Things were working out good for awhile. Things at work started getting better, people started saying things like "the old manda is back".
After this period, I would be pretty good except the week around my menstrual period.
Then the good days started getting fewer and far between.
Just in this past week I was sent home from work because I couldn't control my crying. I was okay again for a few days, but friday I went to work feeling really anxious, and dissociated from myself. I took a half a klonopin that day before work. Around my lunchtime I started to break down badly. I called the on-call doctor at my gp's office. He told me to go home and try to relax.
I came home shortly later, and spent the next 3 hours just generally breaking down.
My mom was home at the time. She sees things in a very black and white way. She was doing nothing but sending me deeper into my freak out.
I finally made the decision to get into the ER to see someone immediately. The doctors there pretty much told me that they were pretty confident I wouldn't kill myself, so I was given a prescription for ativan and sent home.
I spent saturday in a some-what haze from being exhausted from all the crying, and the ativan.
Tonight it seems as though I'm back to where I was, or quite possibly worse.
I tried to talk to my parents about taking a short leave of absence from work. My mom decided that this was a bad idea, because according to her "all I'd do was sit around or sleep". Also that I was "using depression as a crutch, since I just didn't want to go to work".
Trust me, nobody likes work....sometimes I have a great time there, sometimes it sucks and I feel like having a good cry when I get home.
It's really hard to explain to a parent who has no history of mental illness exactly what I'm talking about.
So that's where you guys come in. I'm really having a tough time. I feel as though I'm barely hanging on, and I'm going to totally lose it any moment. I just want to cry, and I'm physically uncomfortable. I find myself pacing a lot.
Finally, I had a cutting problem for quite a few years. Which I was able to stop doing for quite some time now. But the urge to do so again has been back lately, and at the moment it is SO strong.
poster:manduh
thread:987907
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110610/msgs/987907.html