Posted by floatingbridge on April 20, 2011, at 1:04:56
In reply to Re: road mapping AD shortlist, posted by morgan miller on April 19, 2011, at 22:54:47
Thanks for watching my back, Morgan. I wouldn't really take back the depression dx, and neither did he.
I hadn't seen him for six weeks plus. He last saw me on a soup of stuff that wasn't working. He didn't like it, either, the pile up.
So I clearly am not a happy camper today; I am, however, more lucid and in touch with my core symptoms. Anxiety is really big for me. Ptsd is an anxiety disorder. And, oddly enough, the old dx of social phobia came up again. He said that makes sense to him more than depression. (I was dx'd w/ that around 2000 in hospital, not by this guy.)
It was like rebooting my dx's. He said point blank he's not into labels. He'd like to See me find the right medicine--if I want it.
I described it like this, in cbt type terms. First there is a thought *or* a feeling. Certain ones are intolerable, and I will do anything to get away. As I react, I can even know I'm reacting, but it just becomes way, way to big. Despite all the deep breathing self-talk, it's a crazy echo chamber. I become highly dysphoric. That's when I just need to be hit on the head. (He didn't care for that phrasing.) It really is just wanting a reset button.
This made sense to him. I said, that is why I ask you what you seem to think are left field questions like how about risperdal as needed. I said that is how I use benzos. Just someone take me out for awhile. Then he asked how I felt
about using medication this way. I said,
well not happy, but glad I have that panic button that works. Because I didn't for years (only medicated at around 39-9?) and had I had some kinda' emergency med in my 20's and 30's, I wouldn't be
such a wreck. He agreed. He doesn't
have a problem for now with my benzo use because he understands what it does for me. He says he's working to help find the best medicine for me.For example, he understood me not
wanting to commit to an AD, and how I feel somehow better without one. I don't know if anyone has made him work so hard.I certainly wish I felt better on AD's. Like you wrote in another thread about getting up, taking a good enough AD, and living life (highly paraphrased).
He offered no suggestions. No rush to medicate other than to affirm my use of xanax, desiring to help me get restorative sleep, and very pleased with my norco taper, though he finds my pain level unacceptably high.
It was an interesting session.
*a rose by any name
poster:floatingbridge
thread:983114
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110418/msgs/983305.html