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am I really bipolar?

Posted by Christ_empowered on April 12, 2011, at 2:46:44

My big problem has always been agitation, anxiety, and semi-regular fits of psychosis with sadness ("psychotic depression"). I've had 1 episode that could have possibly been relatively mild mania (with psychosis, of course) and 1 episode that was a sort of months-long nervous breakdown that ended up being diagnosed as psychotic mania, but honestly doesn't seem to fit in with anything I've seen in the DSM-IV (weight loss, looking younger, high blood pressure, dissociation, auditory hallucinations, visions).

Here's the thing: when I think "Bipolar," I think someone whose mania is largely biologically based and who has to take an anti-manic on a regular basis. I've taken antidepressants before w/o going manic, I've even taken amphetamines w/o mania (until the dose was ramped up too high...), and I don't have a problem with regular (hypo)manic activation. My "manic episode" was more of a nervous breakdown, the result of years of social isolation, stress, and untreated psychotic depression. The dissociation happens, sometimes, under severe stress and as a reaction to psychosis.

Anyway, here's the question> am I really doing the right thing taking 30mgs Abilify? I mean, its great, I only take 2 meds, Celexa and Abiliy, and I'm functioning. That said, the Abilify (at least @ 30mgs) does precious little for the depression; it really seems to function mostly to take the edge off of the psychotic depression. The Celexa doesn't so much lift my mood as it does relieve remaining tension, agitation, and paraoia; together, the combo works well, but I'm feeling a bit...tranquilized.

My doctors have always been either quick to smack a severe label on my problems (its schizophrenia! bipolar I!) or quick to call it some sort of psychological problem. My current doctor is great, but he's public health, and they're even worse about calling everything bipolar (or worse...) and then putting people on antipsychotics, usually at pretty high doses.

I know I should be thankful that I found something that works and that I'm able to function, but I have a shrink appointment coming up, and every time that happens I get to thinking about my meds and my diagnosis. I can't help it.

Plus, I don't understand what's going on in my brain. If neuroleptic=reduced agitation, paranoia, and overall anxiety, then why do I still get psychotic depression on a full dose of Abilify? What's so special about Celexa that this little $4/month pill did something that Abilify wasn't doing?

Any input is greatly appreciated, even if you're just going to tell me to take my pills, pray to avoid TD, and live my life.

Thanks.


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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Christ_empowered thread:982538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110406/msgs/982538.html