Posted by ruhroh on January 16, 2011, at 23:31:28
I better type this while it's evening and I am feeling OK.
Alright people, I am really scared now. I had been on Parnate for quite some time but regularly abused it--I never really meant to, I was just afraid to ask for a dosage increase and ended up each month going through my script WAY too early, and doing really manic/self-destructive things (spending lots of money, going to bars--I was LOVING life... but doing stupid things like losing my wallet, waking up on the metro, etc...)
Finally I realized I can't trust myself with this drug and asked for help. My parents have me seeing an orthomolecular psychiatrist, and I have been off of Parnate for 9 days.
Typical stuff: Anhedonia, apathy, pacing the floor... I have attempted to go off Parnate TWO or THREE times, and the longest I "lasted" was perhaps a month with no symptom improvement. Maybe two months.
This (along with Nardil, which I never abused, and didn't work on retrial) are the only things that have ever "worked" for my depression...
No, I never told my psychiatrist what I was doing, too embarrassed. The new one knows everything, and has me on L-tryptophan 50mg t.i.d (which has the same effect 5-HTP did on me, when I was using it to increase serotonin levels before and after MDMA trips when I *was* doing drugs in the early 2000s: makes me a bit sleepy/spacy), a high dose b6 in the morning and a low potency multi-V three times a day. I forgot to ask the reason for the spacing out of the multi-V...
This doc just ordered about 15-20 labs on me: all kinds of thyroid, testosterone, estrogen (I am male, FWIW), serotonin, copper, histamine, zinc, and some other things. He also is a real psychiatrist who can prescribe real drugs if necessary...
I am at a loss for what to do. I spend most of my days in agony and wonder what I am going to do when I have no errands for a particular day--why get up?
I am terrified that the withdrawals (or perhaps what is now my baseline) will stay the same no matter what, and I should have just been careful and patient as it's obvious to me high dose Parnate does work but my family would go nuts if I ever went back on it. I am a little scared myself, because each time I get a bottle of it I promise myself I'm only going to take what's prescribed and quickly say "screw it". Strangely enough, when I was taking Adderall in college I never had a problem like that!
Some friends have suggested I try recovery type support groups, but I am a little hesitant--"nobody" (notice the quotes) knows what Parnate is, and I did not start out trying to get "high", I just wanted the depression to go away! Plus, the people I know involved in these groups have made a seemingly-endless "recovery" their entire lives. I eventually want to get back to what I was doing, if possible, and leave this awful chapter behind me.
The supplements seem to be taking the edge off the WX - it's not as bad as it has been the other times I've tried, but almost.
Is it possible for my nervous system to recover? I am hanging on a thread--I'm interested to see what these labs reveal. Perhaps further supplementation will help. This doc is EXPENSIVE, and my folks are paying the bill.
Typical depressive patterns have re-emerged: libido GONE, appetite GONE except at night when I am ravenous; concentration is nil, overeat when I do get hungry as it's one of the only time I feel anything in my reward system.
poster:ruhroh
thread:977048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110115/msgs/977048.html