Posted by Maxime on December 18, 2010, at 19:45:04
In reply to Re: I feel like I need an x-mas cocktail, posted by ed_uk2010 on December 18, 2010, at 9:13:48
Feeling so much worse today. Probably because work "volunteered" me to go to a jammed mall and wrap Christmas presents for shoppers for 6 hours straight. I know it's for a good cause but it's not healthy for me to be in that environment. I get very confused. I start to hallucinate (auditory) and my anxiety level goes through the rough.
Then when I came home I got mad at my mom and now she is going around the house slamming doors which isn't helping. I try so hard not to get mad at my mom. I am always patient with her but tonight was too much for me and I yelled at her. I never yell. Now I am crying because I yelled.
And just seeing what people were buying today for Christmas made me sick to my stomach. SO MUCH STUFF! No one needs all the stuff. No one.
I think what upsets me the most about Christmas is that the meaning as been lost. One of my favourite Christmases since my dad died was when I worked in a soup kitchen feeding the homeless and talking with them. Learning about how they became homeless. What it's like on streets etc. and what it means to them to have a hot meal on Christmas day.
Maybe I will watch my Charlie Brown DVD and it will make me feel better because right now I feel like I could beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and then beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Bipolar Type 2, ED-NOS, Self-hatred
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Being happy doesn´t mean the pain is gone. you just bury it deeper.
poster:Maxime
thread:973744
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101218/msgs/973935.html