Posted by Brainbeard on November 19, 2010, at 16:43:41
In reply to Re: Dex - Second Chance, posted by Brainbeard on November 17, 2010, at 6:14:44
I feel so torn. I had to play the oracle slash walking dictionary again at work. People can come to me with their questions based on the questions their clients pose. They've asked me for the job because there are too little experts, so people like me can function as a kind of 'emergency experts'. They've asked me - I assume - because they think I'm intelligent, which is, in part, true. But I can also be dramatically obtuse. Today, there were moments where people were explaining a situation and my mind just went blank - like a total dissociation from what I was doing there. Sometimes I had to ask to repeat the situation.
You can see that this really gets to me since I haven't talked about meds yet. Well, my being obtuse in some respects is not something new, but I'm afraid it is exaggerated cruelly by the clomipramine. That's the disadvantage of a TCA - dry mouth, foggy brain.
I took 5mg of dex yesterday evening while on the bus home. I did it out of sheer boredom combined with a nagging sense of discontent. The dex high was not euphoric - perhaps due to clomipramine's anti-dopaminergic capabilities - but clean and quiet. On dex, for the first time in years, I don't bite my nails while biding my time.
I wanted to know if my cognitive functioning would be any better on methylphenidate (rita) instead of dex. So today I left my dexies on the shelf and took 18mg of Concerta shortly before work. It did make me feel kind of relaxed, but the brain fog was there alright. I have this neurotic sense of urgency about choosing between dex and rita. Maybe rita could save my career. Today's experience seems to suggest otherwise.
Perhaps my problem is that I have to play smart while I simpy am not smart enough or at least lack (some of) the skills for this specific task. Say something to ease my mind please!
Dex is weird, though. It makes me feel detached from reality, like watching it all from a distance. My p-doc says that dex can be a depressant, flattening out emotional life. How odd. Perhaps it's because of the paradoxical anti-dopaminergic effects that the Wikipedia article talks about. Dex as an alternative for an antipsychotic... What is the world coming to?
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Current meds: clomipramine 225mg, fluvoxamine (Luvox) 50mg, dexamphetamine 5-10mg
As needed: bethanechol 25-50mg, oxazepam 5-10mg, diazepam (Valium) 2.5-5mg
poster:Brainbeard
thread:969252
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101117/msgs/970788.html