Posted by violette on June 20, 2010, at 22:38:20
In reply to Re: im also rejecting meds..., posted by Huxley on June 17, 2010, at 22:25:19
"I went down the path of being medicated. While they improved out of sight, I went steadily downwards on a bell like curve. I had a relationship breakup 2 years ago. My mind simply seemed unable to deal with it and I was put
on several more drugs.And now if you met myself and my brothers you would see the difference in where we are at in our lives. I can tell you that there is a very marked difference in
- Cognative ability
- emotional stability
- empathy
- Social skills
- Physical health
- appearance
__________________Huxley,
Please don't beat yourself up too much over your decision to take drugs (although writing about it here might be helping to relieve guilt?). If it makes you feel any differently, my siblings and mother and father did not seek psych treatment and were and still are much worse off than I. Actually, my father died young from heart problems. Never worked through his crap. Maybe ADs would have helped him? He never sought medical care, but he really needed therapy to deal with the nightmare of a childhood he had. My mother is a different story-she is in denial and does not think she has psychological issues. Although she did not die young, sometimes I feel she is worse off than my dead father. If you only knew..
While you didn't say you were 100% sure if or how your life would be different, I sense that 'decision remorse'. I also think you can turn that around-things you are posting here might lead someone else to reconsider their choices and have a better outcome. In my view, it doesn't matter so much who is for or against meds-what matters is that individuals get individualized treatment according to their individual needs. The three i's of illness. It matters that people are educated about their choices.
I 'guilt' about it too...I wasn't thinking clearly at the time and didn't bother researching anything, too busy with responsibilities..so busy that I wouldn't have had much time anyway. I just trusted my doctors. I didn't start any meds until I was almost 30, had managed anxiety and dysthmia (and my defense mechanisms held up) for years without them. They worked inititally for one notable situation-on onset of PTSD-when I can truly say I needed a drug..then from time to time for anxiety.
I'd go off ADs-only to get severe anxiety attacks within a few weeks. Although I had anxiety since a young age...A benzo would have been appropriate for me during most of my psychiatric years after the onset, but instead, I was always given SSRIs which made me miserable. The anxiety wasn't daily. I was never told of the treatment options and did not research drugs. I never even knew the difference between a SSRI and a benzo. (I'm not saying there are no risks with benzos, but some people are better off w/o seratonin-targeting drugs and have no problems with addiction or tolerance.) Aside from that, when I was at my best, although med-free-despite having anxiety from time to time-when I'd go back to a Pdoc I was never advised to take vitamins B, magnesium and all the other stuff that helps prevent mental health decline when you are well enough to keep up with prevention techniques such as regular exercise.
It was a couple years ago, when after being med free for a while, that I went back to a PDoc to get meds for anxiety during a time of high-stress. He put me on Zoloft. It made me worse. At the 2 month return visit, still ill with side effects, I told him I could not function on the AD-needing 12 hours of sleep a day-falling asleep at my desk- missing work and classes..he said "what do you want me to do?" That is when I started doing my research. Still, it has taken me years to equip myself with enough information to determine the best course of treatment for me.
...and I'm mad as hell that only 1 of my former PDocs recommended psychotherapy...At least he did suggest it to me-but he had me see someone at his office who appeared to have more problems than I did..long story. Anyway, it was CBT. So I went to another who was referred to me-who also did CBT (I didn't even know therapy was 'called' anything at the time; didn't know there were different 'types' of therapy). I was ignorant-I just thought a therapist was someone you talk to about your problems... CBT made me worse and wasted money and precious time-prolonged my illness. So I guess I can say I am mad as hell at myself for not checking into the different types of therapy years ago.
So you see, I'm dealing with guilt too. It's difficult when you internalize anger. It took me a long time to say I was angry with PDocs for not telling me how my childhood issues may have led to mental illness, the different types of psychotherapy, and all the other stuff you learn on your own. Although with 10 minute appointments, how do you end up with appropriate care anyway?
Finally, I taught myself enough to realize a certain type of psychotherapy is what I needed. I am slowly getting better and taking less meds than before. It's healthy for me to talk about this. Although I consider myself to be procrastinating, I feel a little bit better.
I think its healthy for you to share your story here too. It's better than internalizing it all. I'm still working on that issue, and hope you are not so bad off in that regard.
Take care,
Violette
poster:violette
thread:951199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100615/msgs/951687.html