Posted by lpslpslpslpslpslps on June 5, 2010, at 21:13:49
In reply to Re: Brainstorming alternate treatment options » lpslpslpslpslpslps, posted by chujoe on June 5, 2010, at 20:42:13
>Do you care about what you are studying in your PhD program?
Sort of, sometimes. To be honest, the field I am in was not my first choice or my second choice. As an undergraduate, I double majored in Philosophy and Classics. I wanted to do a PhD in philosophy, but I was rejected everywhere I applied despite almost perfect GRE scores, I suspect because my philosophy program was totally different from the analytical style so popular in the anglo-american world. Then, I wanted to do a PhD in pharmacology, and I scored in the 98% percentile on the gre biochem subject test... but because I had never taken a biochem course, I did not meet prerequisites and so was rejected (even if sensible in the general case, this particular decision-calculus on their part seems irrational to me). Likewise, I took a (free) MCAT prep course, and did extremely well on the practice exams, but I couldn't even apply to med school because I wasn't physically enrolled in an official biochem class, and I am completely unwilling to sit through a class that covers material that I already know. If I wanted to do something that regularly caused me to lose hours of my life, I'd take up smoking cigarettes. So my current field was not my first choice at all.
I am involved in intercollegiate policy debate, which is connected to communication departments generally, and I was a media message framing consultant for a year with Monsanto, so Communication seemed a good fit, and kind of a catch-all interdisciplinary discipline that tolerates a whole lot of subpar scholarship. That can be a good thing, but the shoddiness of our scholarship makes me anti-excited about the field.
Also, my focus is in qualitative and humanistic research methods -- principally I'm interested in argumentation theory, the rhetoric of science, and the rhetoric of religion -- but I used to teach statistics as an adjunct and I very much enjoy working on statistical data analyses, often coming on board other people's projects as the statistician. The trouble is that the subject matter of the kind of research questions and hypotheses that can be tested quantitatively, at least in my discipline, are all mind-crushingly boring to me. I get that it is important to figure out how to convince people to wear condoms or stop smoking, but I'd prefer if someone else thought about that stuff. I like grappling with high theoretical questions and intersections between rhetoric and the philosophy of communication. But that kind of work is really hard for me to do, while the quantitative stuff I can do in an instant-- the psychostimulant is still effective when I'm working on that kind of project. It is very straight forward, it doesn't require a lot of organizational planning, it doesn't involve revising an essay through multiple drafts, it doesn't require a whole lot of creativity, and the steps are all straightforward and easy to follow.
My choice of research methods also isolates me from my fellow doctoral students, because I can't really work in a research team, and quantitative social scientists hate and fear high theory, so I can't really have useful productive conversations about my work. Among the humanist phd students, only a couple really have the background knowledge to help me work through high theoretical problems, and they've got their own work to do.
I've co-authored a few things, including my first refereed publication -- an essay that I wrote entirely by myself, but a friend of mine (and a former student) helped me brainstorm, and read each draft. I listed him as second author b/c I would never have completed it without an external motivating force. In general, my work habits totally suck and I feel powerless to fix them.
So, in short, I'm not super excited about what I'm studying. I think you are right that that is probably a big part of the problem. But it also is something I cannot do a whole lot about at this point. I'm at the qualifying exam / candidacy stage, so if I didn't finish the dissertation it would be a pretty poor decision given how much time and energy I've already invested. Settling for a second masters degree at this point would mean the academic aspect of the last three years of my life was pointless.
I know it is sensible to pick a career that requires you to do things that come easy to you. And I can always shift gears later if I can find a quantitative research question that can hold my interest... but for the time being, I've got to make the most of my situation.
Being bipolar (and extremely depressed) and ADHD isn't helping things one bit.
lps
poster:lpslpslpslpslpslps
thread:950034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100604/msgs/950041.html