Posted by zonked on May 9, 2010, at 22:00:12
Hey -
More ruminating today.. still on 90mg Nardil (45 b.i.d.); but now wondering if I should give it more time... it has, after all, only been about a week since I started it again.
Had some REALLY SPACY feelings today, almost a , like a sense of nausea and almost like I was swimming in my own head... definitely med related. I wonder if that's a sign that the Nardil is "doing something" (although I don't recall feeling like this last time!).
When Nardil worked before, I remember it kicking in within a week of me starting it but maybe I am being too impatient this time.... I'd planned to cut it completely and give Marplan a try; but that would involve a potentially dangerous abrupt switch and energy I am not sure I have to expend.
Today was Mother's Day in the US; and as I am living at home right now, I've had terrible guilt that I can barely speak - I spent the day with my Mom, who I love more than anyone on earth, barely able to speak, apologizing for being sick... when I'm well, I am a funny, social, gregarious person and I think it's hard for her to see me almost silent.
She seems to oscillate between understanding my plight and becoming frustrated that she can't cheer me up... compassion fatigue, perhaps? At times, I think she gets fed up with my depression, and at other times she hugs me while I can do little more than cry and apologize...
Today, I should have been up cooking meals for her, making conversation, and being enjoyable company but I just can't fake it....and the guilt I feel for being a stick in the mud for someone who's done so much for me over the years is awful.
+sigh+. Just for kicks - can I do a poll of Nardil users - how long before you started feeling yourself again? It seems that, when I had my first course with it, I noticed I went from feeling almost suicidal to normal within one week. Maybe it'll be longer this time, maybe not at all.
Don't you wish these things were like headache pills? So much time to invest for an unsure outcome.
Again, I apologize for my stream-of-consciousness posts lately - I don't know where & how else to get support...
zonked
poster:zonked
thread:946943
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100504/msgs/946943.html