Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on January 27, 2010, at 0:36:02
(Warning: long..maybe triggers..)
Well, I've had a few 'consultations' via referrals from my GP with Pdocs at St. Joe's Hospital in Hamilton. A couple who interviewed/debriefed me said I have some very strong indicators that point to Borderline Personality disorder. I was Dx'ed with bipolar II with rapid cycling way back when, but even that treatment left some very, very large holes in my mental health.I recall a couple of years ago another GP doc suggested that I quite strongly exhibited BordPD characteristics. I know, it is just a Dx. I've always found it better to treat the individual symptoms rather than try to fit your category of diagnosis. So, I've done some very vast and far and wide research on BordPD, and I know from my past formal education on the topic, it is a very tricky diagnosis to treat. I have responded well to treatments of a few typical antipsychotics, including Haldol, and it's atypical cousin Risperdal. Zyprexa and Seroquel come in at second place, but both have *majorly* helped me at times when I really needed it. A few other interesting things I discovered in the literature, is that amitriptyline and nortriptyline (one of it's metabolites) can *really* cause problems with BordPD. They also found these two meds often (not *always*, of course) cause trouble for people with PTSD. Nortriptyline was good to me at times, but when it was bad, *it was bad*!..lol. The extra 'zip' put me in this dysphoric mania, despite being even on 2 mood stabilizers, and an antipsychotic. Amitriptyline was the first ad I ever tried , and, even since, no other drug had such intense, horrible side effects for me. Yes, I went to max dosing, and had plasma levels checked with the nortriptyline.
So, wow, here we end up today! Main complaint from others around me is I am so 'up and down', I leave everyone walking on eggshells. My other major symptom is I spend hours crying, often before bed, thinking I am going to be homeless, broke, never loved (Besides by my amazing parents, one of whom seems to be deteriorating daily with regards to his overall health.) and I have a very deep well of anger and sadness over comments from a couple of particular co-workers. And...I was just at a party last weekend, quite sober actually, and two very young college students (females..) and a couple of others where quite mean, making comments about my receding hairline. It made me angry when I found out, but I actually had the wit to realize these little teen kiddies where half my age, and knew jack-s*it about life. Oh yes, and these little ones just *happened* to be taking a college program in working with those with special needs. Like, that is real sensitivity!
So, tonight I am on my cocktail of Prozac, Lyrica, Haldol, Zyprexa, Zoloft, Topomax, and Klonipin (clonazepam). (Oh, and Androgel every 3rd day). It has taken me a LONG time to find these particular meds that really seem to help me cope better. This is just not some random combination. I've only been on this exact regiment though, for about 2 weeks. Knock on wood..I am making it 'okay'. Even after a few decades of all of this, I consider myself lucky that I can count on certain meds, to a point anyways. Oh ya, and the other med that one pdoc clinician pointed out was Effexor, and that their is some data in, again, about being troublesome for people with BordPD and PTSD. Effexor was like nortriptyline, with me. At times it worked amazing, but many others made me very, very emotionally unstable, which one pdoc suggested I was getting too much of a norepinephrine effect.
You know, I wish they had a Haldol ER/EX...lol. It seems that this drug has caused most problems when taken in larger doses. I know...there is still risk in smaller doses. It seems a lot of people have a very hard time "getting" me. I don't mean I am special or anything like that, but some people seem to be threatened by a guy who is very gentle, touchy-feely, deeply compassionate. Especially when I have tried the web-dating thing. There are these women who are all into kickboxing, UFC, and there is me, this nearly 6 foot, stocky guy ready to read them poetry..lol.
Any other Borderliner's out there? Thanks for listening to my ramble...
Jay
poster:Jay_Bravest_Face
thread:935105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100122/msgs/935105.html