Posted by MystifiedNumbess on January 22, 2010, at 15:36:47
In reply to Re: SSRI Apathy Syndrome (Anhedonia)???, posted by university on August 12, 2004, at 14:37:31
------- I know this thread is older than dirt, but I wanted to add something as I personally just stumbled on this at this late date and others might as well.
I have been on Lexpro 20mg since WInter of 2001. I had previously been on Prozac 20 mg's where I was having the manic time of my life. However, I got really tired and "assumed" it was depression setting back in, so I went off Prozac (and found out I had mononucleosis, not depression) and onto Effexor. Now this drug gave me a hard time and incredible weight gain in less than a month. So I switched to Lexapro.
My "anhedonia" was so bad at one point, I went SKYDIVING to see if I could jar myself out of the "I don't give a hoot about anything" phase. And would you believe, I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane only to land and say calmly, "Wow, that was surreal." My husband was aghast at my lack of enthusiasm.
Here I am five years later and still numb. I have emotions, don't get me wrong. That is why I feel like anhedonia is not the right word. I feel pain, sadness, joy... but I have no desire to do anything. I feel like I have no sense of urgency. If my house were on fire, I would very nonchalantly pick up a couple things and consider heading for the door. Or if I was deeply involved on the computer, I might just wait until my hair was on fair to make the move. This to me seems more like a loss of the "fight or flight" response we are supposed to have designed within us.
Meanwhile, I lost my insurance and just ordered some from Canada in the generic form. While waiting, I knew I would run out of drugs, so I cut back immediately to only 10mg in fear of cold turkey withdrawal. Suddenly, I started feeling more clarity. Still not ready to run in the event of a fire, but I feel "aware of myself." If that makes sense. I haven't felt aware of myself in ages it seems. I didn't notice it until I cut back.
Unfortunately I am heading into a four day stint cold turkey as the order is late. When they arrive, my whole intention is to wean off entirely at my own pace. I want to see what life is like drug free. After all, its been over a decade of my life that I have been psychologically altered by the effects of medication. I also feel my husband deserves a normal sex life ... as do I.
I loved Prozac - I could feel the difference on that medication though I still had highs and lows of bipolar syndrome. With Lexpro, I never felt any mental changes - just absent symptoms. I took this as a good sign. However, the mistake was that it took me all this time to realize that not only did I not feel the effects of the medication, but I was no longer feeling alive.
Good luck to all of you out there who must take medications like this. I feel your pain and I know my stint of being drug-free will be short lived. But I also know that when I do concede to another medication - this next time I will not be looking for a quick fix, but rather a tolerable long term solution that does not have negative effects on my life, career, and family.
Blessings.
poster:MystifiedNumbess
thread:121851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100122/msgs/934686.html