Posted by sam K on August 27, 2009, at 15:17:49
Yesterday i had realization. I took my metformin out of desperation, a larger dosage. I figured out i have OCD, i mean Ive known I have OCD, but I never knew what it was in my mind. Now I can indenify it better.
OCD to me is something you think alot about during the day, and it stresses you out. Its like your brain is stuck on one idea and cannot move on. And then once you get the obsession, lots of times you start to have compulsions. Like rituals, checking things, etc. OCD is so complicated.. But im glad I see part of it in me now.
I have this obsession with my teeth, and most meds make it worse. In fact, it started with taking Luvox (fluvoxamine). I feel them moving all the time. Obsession- My teeth might move, therefore causing anxiety and people might confront me.
Compulsion- checking them in the mirror, and when it gets bad, I touch them and try to move them into the "right spot". scary to me.
Its funny how a OCD med has triggered an OCD behavior in me. No OCD meds work for me. Paxil maybe. But it makes my mind race really bad and has weight gain. (i think?)
I think klonopin helps my OCD alot. Same with opiates/opioids. Klonopin helps the bipolar in me/ocd.
Ive been studying stress lately. Its really really interesting. I finally am doing some yoga and deep breathing. Once you know what stress is and recognize it in yourself, you can appreciate these things. Ive been burning incense (good quality) and they calm me down. I think smoke calms me down in general.
I would like to pick up smoking (every month or whatever) Its very relaxing for me. I smoked a Hookah and its super beneficial for my stress. And when I smoked the Hookah, my lungs were not irritated at all. I couldn't really even feel it hit my lungs. Is this because the water in the pipe? I think I might order a Hookah or some type of water pipe and smoke every once in a while. I know it sounds bad.. but who knows I might not do it anyway. Its too bad tobacco is so bad for us. whatever though.I really want to conquer my mental illness. (sometimes to the point where I obsess and stress about it, which really is making it worse) I am healing fairly fast actually. but I'm pretty impatient.
I think stress management is very important for me. as well as a lot of people here too.
Ok now something that's not going to be so accepted is on my mind. I've been reading about psychedelics. I've been thinking because.. Some of the things I deal with are just so deep and I cannot reach the deepness. I feel like if I did some type of psychedelic drug, then maybe I could get there and have a realization.
And honestly it doesn't even have to be a psychedelic (and I doubt Id go that far anyway). I just want to get messed up somehow and unlock something inside of me so I can move on.
Or even something like fasting or SOMETHING. I have no clue what I will do.
Scratch what I said above, I know psychedelics are extremely extremely risky with mental illness. I just want to somehow unleash enlightenment in me. Whether it be a drug or experience that does it I don't care.
well thats it.
poster:sam K
thread:914394
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090826/msgs/914394.html