Posted by garnet71 on June 1, 2009, at 13:31:36
In reply to Panic attacks ) permanent change in mood, posted by garnet71 on May 31, 2009, at 19:35:11
You know, i'm feeing a bit better today. I slept 5 hours last night. Better to wait this out and see before jumping to conclusions. (Always thinking ahead - and/or - anxiety thoughts.)
I had about 2 nights sleep for a whole week; it could be that I am just drained. I never thought about the neurotransmitter issue--That's interesting...when I have some more time-I want to look into that further.
The thyroid issue is something I'm definitely addressing since I have insurance now. Just today though, I found out I have been driving w/o car insurance for almost a month. I haven't even opened my mail to know it had been canceled, but I suspected soon...Waiting for insurance guy to call me back this moment...and just now I found out I was cut from my veteran's education benefits-I total surprise. I was due a check the first week of June. Another unexpected obstacle since I was supposed to have benefits for 4 more months.
Gotta get caught up on life. I've made some progress over the past couple of months, but still have stuff piled up. A lot of this depends upon upcoming PDoc appt, and what they decide to prescribe me. I am not sure how much input I'll have this time, like with other PDoc over the past several months. Scary that a doctor has so much power over my future.
Actually, it's not an irrational fear. If I hadn't sought my own pharmaceutical remedy, I would have failed college. While I had 6 months to do my thesis, I was only able to work on it mostly the last month before it was due at the end of April, after my PDOC agreed to prescribed me stimulants, then the specific one I asked for about 2 months ago helped me get it done mostly in the last week before the deadline. For the 1st half of the project, they gave me a 'barely pass' because I missed the deadline, although they could have failed me. Overall my work was not that bad, but still a great disappointment; certainly not up to par with what I'm capable of. But I am content.
If that psychiatrist did not agree with my need for those types of drugs at that moment, I would have failed since I became almost completely amotivational from SSRIs and worsening ADD symtpoms; instead, I graduated with honors. I got my diploma in the mail just Saturday. Yea!
Three more semesters of graduate school, however, will be mostly determined by my mental health and the PDoc who can help me. Last weekend really set me back for the start of the semester, which was completely preventable by the way, but I'm not stressing about classes too much - yet.
I'm going to search for a therapist soon too. One day at a time....
I think this place has been my main source of support. It's the only place where I know people will understand. I have friends who have no idea what I've been going through, despite trying to explain mental health issues. They wonder why I cancel social engagements but don't really understand that I want to spend more time with them, but it's just not possible right now until I get my life back together. Thanks, as always, for all the advice..and to anyone who has listened to all my rants recenctly--I am lucky to have your help and support..
Bright and sunny days ahead! : )
poster:garnet71
thread:898664
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090531/msgs/898794.html