Posted by g_g_g_unit on December 20, 2008, at 17:35:52
In reply to dont play with your dopamine!!, posted by Jeroen on December 20, 2008, at 15:00:42
thank you for your replies everyone, i feel like you genuinely care and it's so reassuring to know that there's people out there who do. i am so embarassed about how i behaved last night, i just kept drinking and couldn't feel anything and now once again i am obsessing over any damage i might have done. these past few weeks have been a quest to *Feel* something. for a while i was doing well - was exercising regularly, had all but given up drinking, felt motivated, etc. yet also haunted by this nagging feeling that something was missing; i couldnt, and still cant, experience pleasure in anything, my social skills have deteriorated, so have my abilities as a writer. that's why i was chasing the dopamine angle; i know that just being able to write again, and experience pleasure in it, would help me more than any antipsychotic right now. it breaks my heart to not be able to enjoy what i love the most. the same applies to this girl, who got to know a certain me and has had to watch that me fade away. anyway, i finally took remeron to help me sleep and feel okay today. i am just so scared to face the coming weeks. each day is so empty and hard. i am scared to see my GP because while I was using him as my primary treatment source, i got frustrated with him just pushing tranquilizers on me. it's been at least 6 months since i saw him. would it be a faux pas to return to him now??
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:869813
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081214/msgs/869904.html