Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 19, 2008, at 21:52:46
You know, i see alot of these posts and people having questions "why?" about life, medication, advice....
Well....after years of doing this, the point of splitting into other charaters to "awnser" or do something that, the main ego itself feels it's helpless.
I told my psychiatrist, mainly that, i dont have love because, many people people loved me in in the past, but now it's a white lie. 2 Other role-personalites had took over because, of the feeling of abandoment, not being helped, but.....i'm not saying this again as a "pity pity" party, danm its real. "Tiffany" i'm telling you, she comes out as a mother, dominant figure, but still, she cares about the person inside. She makes me do things, or if i dont, she will take control and do it herself, such as "rj, go workout, lose wieght, and become normal"This kind of "raised" an eyebrow with the psychiatrist i'm seeing because you know, i realize, no danm medication, drug, controlled substance, is going to make your life better...why not live muliple lives? but know why...the first ego died.
This is probaly "out of your" area, of concern but, i dont want to live multiple lives, but when i dont listen to the advice of the other personalities that tell me what to do...they "themselves" will take over. But, it's not a "bad" influence, it's what an average person, therpist, anyone, would tell me to "get better". I've always procrastinated, and "idleized" my time.
Finally my mind, spit....into 2 dominant characters. One the "main" boss, "Tiffany", other a dad sit's while i'm having a breakdown, someone where in public, they switch, and put "me", back, so i can get it out, while they complete whatever tasks i'm trying to do at that time. Sometimes, they will do their own research to find their own idenity.
If you ever met me, you would see nothing wrong at all, maybe some social dysphunctions, but besides that....that's it. This is more, how idenites serperate, to protect the main one that has been damaged, and basically trama to the point, i didnt know what i did was wrong....
My face is changing slowly, i dont know why, losing wieght, having new charsteristic's of myself.
but my therpist told me, "suffer with out taking medication, or switching ego states"
Does he not understand, i can pass out? have convulsions, does he want me go into one, well sure.....it will be a "therputic treatment" with permenant brain damamge. I do understand...this, hypnosis is being used to find what happened, still it's not working.
Xanax, is the only medication that "soothes" what chaotic, choas, is going on. Dexedrine helps with function with everyday living, but it produces a "non-emotion" effect. Robot like feeling.
I dont know....and i dont think alot of people know what happened, and why...and the result in diffrent persona's. Funnny how people dont see how "bad" things happen, and dont realize they occured, that applies to everything, human traffic, abuse, autism, alot of things why...a person doesnt understand why they....."like this".
You have to accept what you are. Of course change can happen, duh! but sometimes you have find out why, you ended up like this.
Alot of ignorant people dont understand why....and critize a person, because of a disorder, when them, themselves dont even have a clue? "become the predetor, play their game, and turn tables on them, when your being attacked" -rj
Last words, only fullfullment inside of inspiration to change, will make an effect, and things will change.
________________________________
loggin out....rj
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:869752
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081214/msgs/869752.html