Posted by JadeKelly on December 13, 2008, at 18:25:06
In reply to Re: Need advice! Nardil switch to Parnate!! » JadeKelly, posted by ParnateStarted2008 on December 11, 2008, at 18:34:53
> > Hey Coach,
> >
> > You OK? I hope you are so happy that you haven't had a moment to spare. Leave me a one liner if you want but let me know you're alright, okay?
> >
> > ~Jade
>
> Hey, Ya, Im still here. Been away for 2 days.. Coach lol..
> Any rush at 50mgs? I went up to 70 on dec 9th. I dont think I felt a rush.. I imagine the higher we go the less rush we'll get as the ratio gets smaller and smaller.
>
> *****How are you feeling?*******
> Hope there is some change, I wish time could go faster during the moments of dispare waiting for an AD to kick in, or support that makes all the difference..
>
> I read from another post you can sleep like a breez (well sorta). sounds like u really get the afternoon nacolepsy! Me not so much.
>
> I went to 70mgs because:
> -Parnate was leveling out
> -Anxiety started coming back(It still was working as an awesome AD!!! Im sure not depressed at all, good motivation)
> -I really need the Antianxiety effect so ill keep going slowly from now on till I get it. I bet Ill be good at 70 or 80.
>
> Since the antianxiety effect was getting less and less at 60mg's, probably because another amine is kicking in strong, or because the anxiety creating amines that are alreaty working (eg. DA 4 me) are still kicking in stronger, or both factors, have led me to drink more and use more clonazepam.
> yep for the last couple weeks Ive been drinking about 6 coolers a night, or 12 if I wanted to get drunk and in a mania (I still cant figure out why alcohol makes me so happily hypomanic and totally anxiety free like nothing else in the world. I do know its because Parnate is working. Without an AD that works well I dont get that way.)
> The clonazepam i was using more of aswell, some nights 2mg's before bed.
>
> Good news is that today is a turning point. I have a new gym membership and im gonna go 6 days a week( I love working out). One of my best friends who drinks an insanly large amount moved two hours away so I wont be tempted to drink and when the antianxiety from 70 kicks in I wont want to drink. As long as it works im fine with a couple glasses of wine every few days.
>
> I just wrote Vincent a big post on Parnate, I hope he is doing ok.
> Melatonin eh... hmm I better try some. I hate sleeping. insomnia+vivid dreams and nightmares..
> Every thing else is A ok. Very few side effects compared to the serotonin, Norepinephrine, Dopamine re-uptake inhibitor family type of AD's and Nardil.
> OK I admit there is the same amount of side effects but I dont mind these ones nearly as much.
> And Parnate is actually working so I dont care about the side effects. AHAHAH I think the illness has met its match. Lets see who wins!
>
>
> Sincerely,
> Coach Carter.
> what?
Hi Coach Phil,I actually came on the board today to write you a post. The place was a desert. But I did see a post from d/r, and you to QC (is that right name?) Now feels like an invasion of your privacy, but I'm afraid its too late. I'd rather talk on babble mail right now but I think when blue light is off computer is off? I don't know. I think about you a lot. Too much probably, I don't know what the disorder is called (JK), but I tend to worry overboard about people I care about. And now you're on that list, you lucky guy!! My family has Bi-polarI in three generations (one in each) two are gone, within the last few years, my son is the 3rd. His manias are acute, lasting 48 hours or so if treated, they are extremely aggressive in nature, and frankly quite scary. He's been hospitalized 3 times. The good news is that it lasted about 9 months, every 3 weeks or so, (thank God nothing happened to him), and then stopped. We finally found the right meds for him. Hopefully they will keep working. If anyone reads this, he's on Seroqel, 300mg a day, and Depakote, 1500mg day. I'm pretty uncomfortable talking about some of my personal stuff, or my family stuff on the board. I just want you to know if you want to talk further about any of this I'd be happy to do it on babblemail. I don't use it with any one other that to give you and that_guy my first name. And that message to you of course. Remember, this is a setback, Phil, thats all. I hope you will keep your promise (well maybe not a promise) and stay and finish this job ahead of us to get well. Whatever that takes, right!?
>
> > *****How are you feeling?*******
> Hope there is some change, I wish time could go faster during the moments of dispare waiting for an AD to kick in, or support that makes all the difference..I'm feeling ok, some days better, some days, just a little better. Not worse, thats for sure. Whats killin me is this da*m fatigue! Do you get that on Parnate? I don't remember. It's not like the afternoon fatigue were always talking about, its all day don't wanna move fatigue. I've slept 12 hours straigt the last 2 nights and yesterday too lazy to refill klonopin, missed 4 doses, and STILL slept. Its infuriating. I used to be so different. This depression has sucked the life out of me. I want my life back, like NOW!! Parnate, my friend, hurry the he*l up! haha. My mood I think IS better, its just this fatigue, yeah, I'm thankful that my mood is better, but I still have that scared feeling cause I'm not working, I'm not doing anything except the absolute basics. I want ritalin. Does Lamictal (Doc swears I'm bipolar 2, I'm not) slow you down or give you energy? What other augments did you say gave energy, or were stimulating? can't take Provigil. Made me feel wired and nervous. Maybe I'll call PDoc and DEMAND ritalin. How well do you think that will go over? haha. He'll tell me to get lost, thats how. When you were talking about moments of despair, and waiting for support that makes all the difference, were you talking about me?, you? Both of us??!! When I feel despair, its usually either about losses, or the fear of not being my old self again. Like I won't be able to function. As far as waiting for support, my family tries, God knows weve all been thru alot, but none have had the kind of depression that I have. I think they are stronger, in the end. As I've said before, (this is my first depression) I just shut down. Numb. Its so strange to me. Especially cause I've always considered myself a strong girl. Were all close,(my large family) but sometimes that feels like a burden cause they want me to do things that I know will make NO DIFFERENCE until these chemicals get in order. I tried everything in the beginning. It just made the feeling of failure feel worse. Sounds like maybe you live alone? What I wouldn't give for that for just a while. Its torture living with people you love, always wondering what they think, afraid I'm bummin them out, they're always trying to get me to do stuff, etc. I really just want to be left alone to figure this out, and I think they see it as getting worse. Lets get her around some friends and family, then she'll be better. Truth be told? I get the real support here, from you and a couple other posters. One friend I talk to on line, she's at home too, so that really helps. And just all the posters that offer up their stuff and I know they understand the pain of what we all go thru. I've only been here two months, and have never talked to anyone on line before, so this is different for me. You know whats funny? I've been stalking this site (Babble) for a while, and got the courage one night to join when I was on my first Parnate high, haha. I don't believe I would have done it otherwise. I'm a scaredy cat. Not too big in the trust department.
Phil, I only brought up my son, cause I've seen the worst. And he is my heart and I love him so much. Don't be afraid to talk to me if you ever feel like it. I'm not a fairweather friend. So, I geuss this is a novel by now, I miss you, and I hope you are feeling better. Post when you can. When you feel like it I'd like my Parnate Coach back if you don't mind! I'd have been off this long ago if not for you. I thank you for that. If it doesn't work, at least I'll know I didn't quit too early and I can move on to the next. But I still believe in Parnate. Hope you do too.
~Jade
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poster:JadeKelly
thread:863385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081204/msgs/868573.html