Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 3, 2008, at 22:18:16
I hate posting this on the internet. People dont see everything that has gone on life, expept the "bad" confessions i put online. Which you...you know the truth will set you free.
I've been known all about abusing amphetamines (not m-amphetamine, rot my brain out!) but, i dont do it, how can say in words that you believe, its done. I abused it, until my own mind said "rj, stop it!". I almost split into 3 people, Tiffany, my mother because when i'm lonely, there's no one there, but when i cant take reality anymore because.....of over-stress breakdowns, she takes over. Do you understand, dissociation has happened, and it did result in a mild-form of a personality disorder.
Jason takes over, and i'm, i dont rerember, i just know that he's my brother inside my head that cares for me, because truly, i never knew how to be loved, so i made up characters inside to show me that you can be loved. But, the other day i was, i get like this, either, from horrible moods, he "pops" up "hey man!" his personality more positive, and gives me a postive outlook on life, with out them, i would be.....it was a coping mechanism that was created to deal with this "reality" that is so agonzing to my mind, i can't stay one person, over periods of weeks, "rj" got abused and no eye, and no ear would hear it. What do think resulted, character's in my mind that (my own mind) is trying to show my self, you can be loved. On the highway's when i drive, i either pray to the lord, or if he doenst awnser, my mind automatically will switch with either Jason, or Tiffany. It depends on whats going on. But no one, see's that i change, because really i dont, "i pretend" that i'm not "rj" for a while, and it gets stress off, by using another idenity to cope with the stress and non-understanding of life. So its not a "case", it just an imagination at work that's trying to help itself.
Who ever reads this.....you will know more about me, my therpist is so apathic, he say's i'm late, when he's really talking to someone else, i'm on time, and he says "your late!". I dont want to argue with him. I bet you if gave him a big fat check, he would definently "listen", but not understand me. Like i said, the world does not understand me.
Be Blessed
rj
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:860663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081027/msgs/860663.html