Posted by JNew12 on October 27, 2008, at 1:30:05
In reply to Re: care coordination? » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2008, at 18:51:57
Thank you, Phillipa... if you are really trying to be nice and looking out for me I am real glad someone cares. It's hard to get people from my own family too care...they believe that I made my bed so I should lay in it..even though my mom and I still think I contracted it in that dirty psych hospital. Oh well.
By the way, since I talked you last.
I dropped the Adderall, and bumped up the Nardil
Got a PCP who can try manage my craziness.
Told my pdoc that I was taking Suboxone finally.
Got blood from my PCP measuring my throid,b12,magnesium,and liver levels.
Told me pain specialist, therapist, PCP, and PDOC about hepatitis c and past addiction problems.
Getting referred to a gastroenterologist for stomach problems and liver treatment suggestions.Don't remember if it was you saying I was playing w/ fire for not having a PCP and not telling my pdoc and hep c and addiction.
But, I got it all off my chest, I never did say I was using the adderall behind his back, but I wont ever do it again I had a very bad experience.
Well I hope you guys are proud of me, I am not a liar but I don't like talking about addiction/hepatitis besides the internet because i'm not comfortable.
Oh yea, about my hepatitis C, I hope I am pretty knowledgable about it, I had to read everything on the net, because a lot of doc don't know crap. I know that it can completley scar up my liver (cause cancer), but the process usually takes 20 year, or so, some people don't even know they have it, other people are in agony, in my grandmas case, it did not kill her, cancer of? got to her first. So the doc are saying I got at least 20 years if I don't get stupid. Because Tylenol, alcohol and herbs like kava kava can speed up the process. Usually all depression medication is allowed. I have been to many psychiatrist and on most bottles of anti-d's it says use in caution with liver disease; they are all filtered through the liver. I think the only antidepressant I would not take is serezone because I read there were 4 cases of confirmed hepatitis induced by this medication. Nardil has a strong warning, stronger than most, but I was going through a book on Nardil, and they now believe that there was a very contagious version of hep that broke out during a trial. And guess what? I know it was not the Nardil for a fact. Because people that were not even apart of the study got it, including the nurse!
My doctor told me hepatitis can mimic other diseases such as chronic fatigue, lupus, depression and in my case fibromyalgia,bone pain, nausea, and rapid up and down weight changes. So, they can't really or atleast shouldn't refuse you needed meds unless it will absolutely mess your up, or unless there is a much safer one to take it's place. If things spiral out of control quickly you will be dead before your liver goes bad.
With my hep c, I am also very picky so I don't give it to others. Even though I read like you, unlike AIDS, it is pretty darn hard to spread. Really almost impossible unless you have a open cut and you press your open cut against the other persons. That is why it spread mostly by used needles. Sometimes it's spread by tatoo's- same concept. (blood against blood, no body fluids)
When having sex I also plan on wearing a rubber to play it super safe unless she says it's ok, even if she is on birth control. Believe it or not it is really really hard to spread it through sex. (I don't have to worry that much I am afflicted with social anxiety, don't remember last time I had a gf) But, anyways, they actually did studies where couples went without rubbers for a period of 10 years and the main carrier did not spread it to there partner at all. It's also really hard to spread it to a child if you get married, and want to have kids.
Now that piece is good news, if not I would be devastated to give it to a little kid especially my kid.
My biggest problem would be coming clean with the girl and telling her I have it, or I can trick her,(IM JOKING NO MORE LIE, TOO DOCS OR ANYONE)
As you guys probably already learned about me- I worry until it is unhealthy especially telling people things that put me in a bad light. Hep C would be real hard. It don't help I have deep rooted social phobia disorder. Instead of looking for a girl, and coming clean, and maybe having some fun, w/ someone for once. Knowing me I will avoid the situation altogether. I already had a girl ask me out and I ignored her, in the back of my mind was guess what? What would she think if she new I had hepatitis c??? see.
OH- AND ABOUT TREATMENT TO GET RID OF IT.
Here is the crazy part. It is pretty curable with certain genotypes I think one day I read 80%, and one day I went and saw a someone at a liver clinic. Guess what? They flat out denied my business because they said that my psychiatric condition (major depression, social anxiety) plus nausea, and past addiction problems would complicate the treatment so much I was refused, they denied my money, and did not say when I could come back, and it's expensive!! A nurse did tell me that grown men who never had depression in there lives who get treatment who have and need great support systems, plus lots of money, and real popular people can get it and when the interferon starts..BOOM..they become suicidal for the first times in their lives.
But I guess, in order for help I need beat: Major Depression, Social Anxiety, CVS or Nausea, and Addiction Treatment, plus she said Support would be Helpful.
Makes me scared about the healthiest getting suicidal.
Wow, and I been to 3 psych hospital too, I really fell like I am damned.
psychiatric problems, nausea, and addiction problems- all are very deep, most of these I have lived with my whole life. I know from suffering so long, I am not going to find a complete cure, especially trying everything except ECT and all the other ruthless treatment, in less than a year i am going to have to hustle, but I sure the heck want it even if I have to fake being ok, because I am not getting denied again.
If I do (not if do, when I do and that is soon) I have to give myself injections of interferon twice a week, take pills everyday, and go once a week for test results. It's painful, it can give you nasty depression, nausea,(in my case I have both already.lucky?), also, you get tired as possible, and other side effects sound more like chemotherapy than interferon. A lot of people quit there work or would if they could because it becomes unbearable, some drop out, and I guess they just live, well until they die.
I am writing this and I remember how I wished for cancer when I was really depressed, I wonder if I am getting paid back. But I prayed for the cancer that took your right away, not crept up on you forever, and then lingered.
Anyways, that was not right, just came out.
I have been having doctors tell me I wont get treatment until further down the road for years now. Why prolong the suffering? I might be getting disability for depression, why not now, so I actually have time to do it? If I can help it, it's over this year. Maybe that way before I get too old I will still have time to work on my social anxiety (cbt, exposure) and get a job (make it through college) latter in life. My fear is staying housebound like my mom and step dad for the rest of my life, and hurting, shoot I don't think they even hurt, that's just hypochondria.
I swear I want rid of this, and rid of it now, even though everyone says I can wait. Did I say this already? Wait, what to just get sicker, and ever more fatigued? I hate having mental problems, it's like people don't want you on the planet anyways so nobody going to try hard to save you. As the old saying goes nobody is going to help you, if you don't help yourself, well I wonder if people really understand how hard it is for people with mental illness to help themselves; or even ask for help.
HERE IS HOW I'M GOING TO DO IT BEFORE THE YEAR IS UP.
BEAT: Major Depression, Social Anxiety, CVS or Nausea + Vomiting Disorder, Opiate Addiction and get PEER SUPPORT.My goals is to get the best psychiatric treatment possible. This I think I might already have down pat. Right now I am taking nardil because I heard it's one of the best antidepressant there is (i hope.. is that true?) also I am taking it for social anxiety too.. which I heard was the golden standard for SA and it even hits the same receptors sites in the brain as xanax, GABA. Only one problem he know almost close to nothing about this drug, well at least I am getting it legally. Right?
Second goal. Find a well established therapist. Right now I am seeing a therapist who claims to be CBT therapist, but I don't know if she is for me-I don't want one who has never experienced anxiety, as she says she never. She also brags she takes a lot of painkillers, and I used to have addiction problems-not cool, she want's me to go AA/NA but she is high in session lol. Also, she claims to be CBT like I said and I asked her about disputing thoughts and she did not know what I was talking about. I don't even think she knows what CBT stands for. I never ever had a good therapist in my life, and trust me I went to a lot, talk therapist, psychoanalysis,behavioral therapist, you name it, matter of fact, I am probably going to become a therapist if it is possible. Seeing a therapists I am going to take an idea from you guys and drive in towards a college town and see if I can find one there.
The third thing stopping me. Nausea. Hopefully the doctor who treats my liver can do something for my stomach, but I have been getting treatment for over 10 year and only one drug worked. That was Zofran, and it worked wonders, I just got to get a doctor to convince the insurance company to give it to me for my type of vomiting. Right now they will only give it away for cancer. But, I am able to get marijuana in a pill easily- Marinol (what crap is that?)
Fourth Goal, and thing stopping me. Past and sometimes present addiction problems. I feel I made leap and bounds in this area, have even stayed completely sober for over a year, but then I have a nervous breakdown and it's off to the races.. I am able to use scheduled medicines now and they are supposed too even be mentally addicting. I can still get physically addicted but to me that is not the same thing. There is always a "voice" in the back of my mind saying "Let's get high". But, I doubt that will ever leave, it's a big part of my depression and social anxiety which getting high is basically escapism to keep myself from going crazy. Instead of going crazy now all the time, I use CBT, and it is actually helping me tame the voice. The only problem is if someone dropped an expensive narcotic in front of my face I don't know if I could say no under the right circumstances. Especially if it good like oxycotin or strong like fentanyl because my probation does not test for that. But, the good thing is no one is that generous to give up $30-$50 worth of drugs. It takes about that much too, I know because I was getting weak stuff- and was actually controlling myself. Until I found out it was just not worth it. I have been to NA/AA in the past despite SA, but although it works for some people I think I will pass. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good means of quitting addiction for me, and because of my SA maybe the only way. The only thing that is missing that is a main component that AA/NA uses I believe in is PEER SUPPORT. Oh well, I guess I can keep talking to you guys on the net, and maybe visit addiction forums in my spare time. I just hope one day I get real life support because I know how vital it is, not just for addiction, but social anxiety and probably everything else I am going to have to go through in my life.
Thanks for reading.
poster:JNew12
thread:858101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081016/msgs/859450.html