Posted by Nella on October 7, 2008, at 0:20:19
In reply to Re: Depressed 16-yr-old. Help?, posted by greywolf on October 6, 2008, at 20:05:19
> IMHO, you want to stay away from all meds with a 16-year old unless they become absolutely necessary. In my view, what you need is a good therapist, particularly one who has experience dealing with athletes.
>
> I have 2 kids who are considered by others to be "elite" athletes in lacrosse and football. The only advice I EVER give them is to grab them by their face masks and demand that they go out there and, come hell or high water, HAVE FUN. We keep the elitism in its place--other people's houses.
>
> As I'm sure you also do, I work hard to instill the understanding that their performance on the field has nothing to do with their value as people. Unfortunately, societal pressures too often overwhelm that message. A good therapist with a background in working with sports figures should help as much or more than meds in that area.
>
> Greywolf----------------------------------
A sports therapist would be great. I had no luck finding one through my insurance company. And I'm sure I sounded strange to the shrinks I phone interviewed by asking how much they knew about sports.Fortunately, the school counselor recommended someone who understands the school's "hothouse" sports mania. My daughter likes him and is going twice a week. He's been talking drugs from the get-go cause she looks so depressed.
All I can say is she was not like this six weeks ago. The change in her confidence and demeanor is frightening.
So I'll vent. I DO think the school brainwashed my kid into thinking performance is a measure of her value. I AM angry at them and angry at myself for not seeing the risk of kid going "all out." They send packets home about the qualities they look for in Varsity players: scholarship, integrity, character, a good attitude... and somewhere around quality number forty they mention height and playing ability. I can't tell you how many times she's reminded me that "Tryouts aren't once a year. They're every day."
They claim to be looking at the "whole" person. (They aren't, BTW.) Problem with buying into that is then the "whole" person is rejected. I'm not a sports person, and after seeing the wreckage, I think these hyper-competitive programs are crazy. Adolescents have enough stress: public rejection the first day of Junior year serves no academic purpose whatsoever.
She got two recruitment letters from top 20 D-1 colleges on September 1 -- the first day college recruiters are allowed to contact players. She can play in college. Meanwhile, she's viewing high school as a two year death march through AP courses she's no longer interested in.
It's her problem -- or our problem: she's not the first kid to not make Varsity. But it sure zapped her spirit, with no easy solution in sight. I'm glad you can keep elitism in its place: IMO coaches work to make sports a "do or die" endeavor.
So confusing. On the one hand, it's just a dumb game. Then I see the agony in my kid's face and realize it was so much more to her. It's like we need a complete values overhaul, and I don't even know how we got here. I never passed a ball in a life; didn't even know what Varsity was. But I have valued her hard work and conscientiousness: bugs me that got slapped down.
Thanks for listening. I'm trying to keep a lid on my reactions at home. I had to learn how to manage depression; never realized managing a sweet, sensitive kid's depression would be harder.
poster:Nella
thread:855985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081006/msgs/856143.html