Posted by Horned One on June 26, 2008, at 16:45:57
In reply to Re: Think I'm becoming manic again, posted by blueboy on June 25, 2008, at 13:59:40
Last night I skipped a 50mg dose of Lamictal just in case it was that that was upsetting my sleep, but it didn't make much difference. The hallucinations were milder, but they still kept me from getting to sleep for a while. My mind seems to become hyperactive on a night. I wanted to take more zopiclone, but resisted in case I run out early and they say I've been abusing it. I don't think that would really be abuse though. They were giving me lorazepam with zopiclone in hospital, and I think the restful sleep I got on that was what helped me get better. I think I need some lorazepam or a bit of Valium. I took clonazepam for almost five years, and I think that's really the main reason why I never had a serious manic episode during that time.
I was put on lithium in hospital. We started out at 400mg, then titrated up to 600mg after two weeks. It didn't suit me though, gave me rage attacks and urges to self-harm. It also gave me strange perceuptial distortions, like mild or quasi-hallucinations. I stopped taking it the day I was released from hospital. I've requested valproate in preference to an antipsychtoic in my advance directive. I took it once and I didn't like the flatness it made me feel. I think it would be better than APs though - I think once you go down that route it's very difficult to get out of it. Pdocs start to think of you as 'thought disordered' (as in the Schizophrenic sense), but with mood stabilizers it's more like "Oh, so you have a mood disorder then? How are you feeling today?", whereas with APs it's like "I see you're taking Zyprexa. This drug is being used to treat your thought disorder. How have your thoughts been over the last week?". I found that really annoying and quite upsetting because nobody ever asked me how I felt (and I was feeling pretty bad), it was always "So how have your thoughts been then?".
It is difficult to cope with what I'm experienceing right now. Last night I tried a mediation exercise, just allowing the thoughts, the voices, the weird noises, to just pass through my consciousness, not reacting, neither becomming attached or averse to any of the thoughs or hallucinations as they arose in my mind. After a few minutes of lying in the dark doing this, breathing slowly and calmly, the worst seemed to pass. I think this is a skill that all people who have experienced psychosis should be taught. It might lessen their dependence on antipsychotic medication.
You can try a similar thing during crises with your mood. Good luck with the appointment. Lamictal is a good drug, the only mood stabilizer that has worked for me, but it isn't a great anti-manic drug and that's what I like about it - you can still be somewhat hypomanic yet stable. Hypomania can be a very productive (and enjoyable) state of mind.
Thanks for your response.
-Horny
poster:Horned One
thread:836352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080626/msgs/836625.html