Posted by Girlnterrupted78 on May 20, 2008, at 12:22:24
I wonder if I have any hope left. I have tried 7-10 antidepressants without results--only one of them worked, but pooped-out within a year, and nothing has worked ever since. That was 7 years ago.Now I have to face life with this awful depression and I'm finding myself slowly closing every door that has been open to me.
I lose most of my jobs based on the fact that "I don't look happy." Or "I don't seem motivated." Or "I should try to smile more." Or "I am too distracted," etc. I have tried to look normal. I don't know what the actual problem is, or how to solve it, although I know I'm constantly anxious, so that might reflect on my facial expression as unhappiness or tension, but there's no much I can do.
I take Klonopin for anxiety, but that doesn't change my depression. It is the combination of both, depression and anxiety, that give me this "look" that I hadn't even noticed, until I began to get feedback from people. I thought I looked and performed just like everybody else. Apparently not. How could I not realize this? My last employer ended up admitting other employees made more mistakes than I did. Yet they weren't let go.
I have lost 4-7 jobs in the last months, and the more jobs I lose, the worse I feel, and the worse I perform the next time around. It seems like I'm at a dead end.
I already lost all my youth dreams of achieving high. So that's also stabbed my self-esteem.
What's the next step after you've tried most antidepressants, cannot afford to try any more, and cannot hold a job and are about to lose even a place to live?
At this pace, I will end up homeless and suicidal. Not eligible for public help--so that's not an option either. Please don't ask why. I don't want to go into another subject that won't help me in the least.
Has anyone been there? What's was your experience like, and did you ever get out of there?
Thanks for any input.
poster:Girlnterrupted78
thread:830106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080519/msgs/830106.html