Posted by bleauberry on May 3, 2008, at 17:53:19
In reply to Re: Emsam switching to Effexor question NEED HELP!, posted by satsumas on May 2, 2008, at 21:08:06
Off topic from the initial inquiry about switching meds, but...
I felt deep in reading your spiritual thoughts. I sure can relate. I am lead electric guitarist on the worship team of a Christian church with 2 synth keyboardists, 5 lead vocalists, 2 acoustic guitars, drums, percussion section, 6 backup vocalists, the choir, huge sound system, huge stage, hundreds of people in the congregation, 3 services per weekend...the whole thing is big and powerful. Not the average Christian church. BUT, all around me I see people engulfed in the happiness of Jesus, saturated in faith, and they have not the slightest foggiest clue of how I want desperately to feel that. I usually feel like an outsider just visiting to check things out. I mean, my legs are so weak I can hardly stand. I am so depressed I just want to die. I am so foggy minded I can't remember what the next song is, or what the next verse is. People tell me, "When you play you open the doors to heavan"; "I saw fire fly from your fingertips and went right through me"; "You are annointed"; on and on. I appreciate those things and hold them dearly and give God all the glory. It is not me. BUT...do I feel the things these people feel? No. Depression is like a concrete wall that does not allow me to feel the joy or the faith or the depth that they all feel. But I make every effort at it anyway. God can see I'm trying my best with all I have. He knows.
Taking medications is not a weakness. It is not a sin. Most Christians rely on medications of some kind...blood pressure, diabetes, impotence, pain, psychiatry, weight loss, cancer, allergies, infections, etc. God created the very people that invented the meds and the doctors that prescribed them. We are all His children. Back in the old days they took herbs for symptoms. Herbs are just as powerful as meds, and many meds are directly derived from herbs. God put stuff here for us to use to our benefit. That doesn't mean that everything is good for us, but that when we find something that is good for us, that is a good thing, not a sin. If something can help us be a better lover of other people, a stronger worshipper, a more faithful servant, well, that something is good stuff.
It is easy, oh so easy, for those without mental illness to have an abundance of joy and fatih in God. For those of us in mental pain, it is a real struggle to feel the faith. It is almost like a practice or an effort, but not a heartfelt thing. That's ok. God knows. He sees our efforts and he sees the brick wall in our path. What we are able to do in worshipping him from our dungeon is more meaningful than the bountiful worship of someone normal. They don't even have to hardly try...not much effort...but you and me have to try real hard...great effort...and therefore much more meaningful. After all, we could choose to look the other way and not believe and not worship...since we aren't seeing any healing and nothing good in the bible is happening to us...but we don't. Now THAT is meaningful. I think God approves of that struggle, because it means for some reason He has chosen us for something special and we need to be stronger than those around us. In other words, I truly believe those in pain and weakness are God's special chosen annointed ones for great things down the road. He doesn't choose perfectly normal everyday happy people. He never did in the bible. It was the lost, the downtrodden, the sick, the poor...He eventually after years or decades of testing these people, He made them Kings. Who did Jesus save at the last minute? Some normal person praising the heck out of Him? No. They were destitute thieves hanging on a cross beside Him. At the last moment, they passed the test. How long did Job suffer in the bible? A real long time. How bad was it? Really really bad. At least as bad as you and me, except with all kinds of physical ailments on top of it, as well as scrutiny and abandonment from loved ones. Job was in worse shape than you or me. He had absolutely no reason to believe or have faith or to give worship. But he did anyway. He held fast. He was not only healed eventually, but he was restored all the years the locusts had taken away.
So a rich man donates to the cause of Jesus a huge sum of money. A poor woman donates 25 cents. Who was the one God praised? It was the poor woman. Why? Because that 25 cents was all she had. The rich man had plenty more that he didn't give. The poor lady gave everything. That is you and me. We give everything we have. The other normal happy unafflicted people? I am so glad they believe and worship and they are my brothers and sisters...but what they give in comparison to what they have is far less than what you and me give in comparison to what we have.
Praise God. Keep the faith. Invite Jesus to be with you many times during a day. There is a happy ending. He is indeed watching every moment of your pain and He has a good plan. What is hard for you and me is that God's timing is not our timing. We might think now is the best time to be healed. But God knows better. There is a different time that will be much better than now. Keep you faith on that.
Through our weakness and pain God's glory shall be seen. You and me are on a journey to become powerful testimonies for others to follow.
I am going to go play some outrageous lead guitar right now and think about you the whole time.
poster:bleauberry
thread:826673
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080430/msgs/827026.html