Posted by iforgotmypassword on January 11, 2008, at 15:38:34
i am currently at 10mg memantine, 200mg lamotrigine.
does anyone think i will get any benefit going up?
i was thinking of going up to 15mg memantine today. but i was also thinking of getting some creatine (because of its mental energy effects, particularly for vegetarians, and i am vegan), and some high dose vegan EPA/DHA (expensive likely, but if it helps its at least natural which is a big plus for me). just contemplating what order i should try things. i guess the vegetarian creatine (non-gelatine capsules) and EPA/DHA will take some time to get, so maybe i will just start the 15mg memantine today. the memantine is more expensive the higher i go, but i suppose all options are expensive....
my main problems are severe executive dysfunction, motivation, paralysis in making any decisions, mental disorganization (it led me to a psychotic disorder diagnosis when very bad,) mental and physical fatigue, severe anhedonia, mental/cognitive fogginess, half-dead memory, cognitive unreliability, frequent anxiety crippling socially and in my ability to go out, deadened emotional depth and all creativity (which was something i lived for,) and lack of independance from ups and downs, anger, and a vicious cycle of brooding, particularly on the past and my failures/humiliations.
i also have very bad tardive akathisia, which i have had for several years, and stiffness, poor out of sync coordination, and sometimes it gets really bad that its like i don't have the brain power to co-ordinate all my movements and i am effectively immobilized, or at the pole sometimes spastic (again another thing that at it's worst, led to my psychotic disorder NOS diagnosis)
the bottom line is i need to function. i need it SO desperately. i don't remember what life is like.
i am just looking for anyone's input. sorry this is so long.
when i took memantine plus lamotrigine once on a sudden impulse and surge of desperation, it really seemed to help me. but i forget if it pooped out or i just didn't try again.
if memantine and lamotrigine (and perhaps adding the creatine and EPA/DHA) isn't ideally helpful, maybe i will go straight into something dopaminergic to augment, since that is the system i think i am aiming at anyway...? or something cholinergic?
in any case ANY thoughts would be much appreciated. i have so much piled up, i need to function. i hate being dead and losing my life. it's been several years. years upon years. i'm 23 now, but it's like last i remember i was 16. i guess a lot of people can say they feel this way, but me its to the extreme, i am even a high school dropout, haven't had a paying job since 17, when i just lost all functionning. i haven't had any hobbies apart from being a drone to things technical, mundane, and soul-deadening. useless to my life.
sorry for the length. thank you so much for reading.
poster:iforgotmypassword
thread:805742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080105/msgs/805742.html