Posted by oldschool305 on December 15, 2007, at 21:15:26
In reply to Re: I have severe rage/anger/homicidal thoughts.. » oldschool305, posted by Racer on December 15, 2007, at 16:34:39
Wow, thanks Racer. That was great input and believe me, I am googling BPD now because I've never read or heard much about it before.
When I was diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety disorder, I didn't say much to the doctor, I forgot most of my "symptoms" and just thought he could see right through me and know what my problem was. I was young, I know there are more issues. I have alcohol problems, I have a horrid childhood past, but I wont get into that (you can read about it on the psychology board somewhere), and my mom is schiztophrenic. However, I don't hear things... I don't see things... I don't believe things are REAL such as the underground mafia is following me, and watching me and screaming things out to me on the jobs (my poor mom believes this).
My closest friend is a Therapist, he doesn't like to give therapy to "friends" but he does help me a lot. However, I see him when I am feeling good. When I feel like death and can't function, I lay in bed without calling him for weeks and he has NO idea whats going on with me. And when we talk, he trys to give me advice but he is so far off with how I'm feeling, that it actually aggravates me. Therapy to me is not an option at this point, because it actually creates arguments. He is a great talker, ofcourse, therapists are trained for this kind of stuff, but he doesn't really know what's going on. He believes that I am bipolar, but I've never been diagnosed. I will read about the BPD now, but again... I was A-OK until a drug overdose I had in 2001. I was in Marching band, and every after school music program, full paid music scholarship, then on St. Patricks day 2001 I went out with a friend and did cocaine, way too much. I was never the same after that night, went into a 30 day program, and was 6 months in bed, shaking, losing my mind. Went on all types of meds including Risperdal but one of my docs took me off because of all the weight I was putting on. I also took it with Remeron so who knows. Risperdal worked really well for me so I might give that a try again, who knows!!!
My mom has trazodone, a sleeping med (well an anti depressant) but I also read it might help with anxiety, depression, etc. I decided to NOT give that a go.... I am thinking mood stabilizers. I know Lamictal has to be slowly increased, and I heard it's expensive so I don't know about that, I am dead broke right now.
I need to see a doc next week, before I start my new job. I am going to this local gov hospital, it's free..... except for the meds. I will bring up BPD, and Bipolar disorder. See what meds they suggest. I know I need to lay low on the alcohol too. I just took a XANAX XR with 4 beers. Ya see, I also have substance abuse problems, and then I fell like crap for the next 4 days, lay in bed, then quit all my jobs!!!!!!!
I get bored, very bored, very easily. I seek a "high", a "buzz" to find my comfort. but the after effects are not worth it (but i keep doing it and i really want to stop).
Anywho, thank you so much Racer, I will read about that now. And will post next week after I see a doc about my progress/diagnoses/etc.
=O
> > > > I have diagnosed myself (Dr. Cynthia in the house.. lol) with bipolar!!! These never ending mood swings...
> >
>
> Actually, what you're describing doesn't sound like bipolar to me. It sounds more like borderline PD. A lot of doctors seem to use this diagnosis as a way to say "patient I don't like dealing with," but it's actually a legitimate diagnosis, and there are a lot of treatments that can be very helpful. The best, of course, is therapy, but there are also a lot of medications that are very helpful. Risperdal comes up a lot, and a lot of people I know do well with it. If you look at BPD as a problem with emotional impulse control, it might help with finding medications that will be surprisingly effective.
>
> As for taking your mother's medications, which it sounds as though you're doing, don't do that with Lamictal. For Lamictal, more than almost any other medication, you really do need to have a doctor's supervision as you titrate up. It's never a good idea to diagnose and prescribe to yourself, using someone else's medications, but in the case of Lamictal -- it can cause some pretty devastating side effects, and it's important to have a doctor's supervision. (I won't comment beyond saying that there are some very good reasons to have a doctor prescribe medications for you, rather than guessing on your own and taking something prescribed for another individual.)
>
> I'm always afraid that people will take it wrong is I suggest BPD, but if you read some of what Marsha Linehan has written about it, it might give you a very different picture -- she's very compassionate about it, and her descriptions of the sorts of childhood interactions that could be part of creating it really increased my compassion for those who have it. (And actually, even if you don't have BPD, some of Linehan's DBT exercises can still be very helpful...)
>
> Good luck.
poster:oldschool305
thread:800731
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20071213/msgs/801057.html