Posted by Tony P on September 18, 2007, at 23:26:31
In reply to Re: I Don't Get It » rskontos, posted by Phillipa on September 12, 2007, at 20:57:00
I'm so glad I dropped in here today for the first time in months and read this thread. It speaks so much to where I am right now too. By coincidence (if there is such a thing), I was talking to my college-age daughter over coffee this very afternoon about new starts and how much there can still be ahead for me as well as her. I recommended this BB to her (Hi Susan if you're reading this!) and so I thought I should drop in myself, since it's been a while ....
I really identify, Phillipa, I am also sixty-one, have been through at least half of the AD's in the book, and have been having too many days lately when I find myself thinking that I'm past bothering with trying to find a way to function normally or feel "normal" (let alone happy, joyous and free). And I find myself without actually planning it behaving in ways that suggest that subconsciously I'm thinking of winding up my affairs or that nothing really matters after the next few months.
But on my good days I don't even want to retire yet, and I can't afford to anyway. Since the reality is I haven't been working regularly for several years now, it's more a matter of coming out of retirement for me! I've used up a lot of my supposed retirement savings fighting this (expletive deleted) disease, so the practical issues of money and how I'm to use my days productively are very much in my face at the moment.
Getting back into more of my creative work with music has helped my self-esteem a lot, although the hypo-manic swings that have accompanied the productivity have made my life even more unmanageable. But knowing that other people value my contribution is a wonderful gift to receive; I don't make a very successful hermit!
As others have said, Phillipa, I have really appreciated and valued your posts, both generally and personally, so I know you have much to offer all of us -- of all ages.
{{{{Hugs}}}},
Tony
poster:Tony P
thread:781882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070911/msgs/783840.html