Posted by rjlockhart on May 24, 2007, at 21:55:56
Hey,
I havent posted here in a long time, i thought i was better im not. Worse.
What i have been realizing i have been doing is putting on a "mask", in the day im fine, but really its not me, its the mask that has a thousant diffrent images of myself inside, or little clips of myself to hide this depression, it works, but it can fall off.
Currently i am taking Prozac 30mg, my doctor, well i havent seen him in a while.... i just dont know, should i go on multiple antidepressants?
On my myspace....... actaully here it is....
http://www.myspace.com/mattmcconathyLook at me.......... i look fine.
Listen this is me when im down, i just am so unhappy with life, my life, im so depressed that i dont even want to even post here, i dont even have the energy or motivation, because through my eyes life is so almost lifeless, it brings tears to my eyes that i dont feel i have control.
You know that sound of the noise you here when kids are a baby over there beds, the baby music, i cannot take it, i will almost start crying myself, i have to get away from it, Ill just almost have a breakdown in crying, I feel just so worthless, omg...........im now almost starting to just cry. What is crying going to do? help?
Let me just get over it..........i have got a job that pays very well, i sell products per house actually its called Vector, (cutco) it pays 15$ per house, plus commission. In a way i want to do this, and a way its killing me going to training because what happens after and i just decide not to do it, i mean after some weeks or months.
What causing some of this depression is not feeling in control of my life. Not feeling in control of my emotions, not inside.
I dont even know how or how im going to make it tommorow for the 7 hour high intensity training that requires maximium attention. Today i put on so many role plays as i was buiness like, and i did a good job, i kept focused, Prozac somewhat helped.
I just have a problem with dealing with life, im on Xanax, others...
I dont know, im back to numb right now.
What ever happens tommorow happens.
rj
poster:rjlockhart
thread:759361
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070524/msgs/759361.html