Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on May 22, 2007, at 13:10:28
At first I was terrified to ask my pdoc about klonopin. He has written me 3 Rx in the last 6 mos or so. I take about .5mg-1.5mg on bad days, and try to convince myself that I don't need it on regular days.
The problem is that I don't know what a regular day feels like anymore.
For those of you that don't know me well (because I usually post elsewhere), I've just finished up my dissertation, and can't seem to calm down. I haven't been eating well, or sleeping well, unless I am with friends.
I am scared for my upcoming move, and have a lot to worry about. Mostly the prospect of having to find a mini-job until I can apply for post-docs with a somewhat clearer mind, and an idea of what I want to do.
So, I'm wrapping things up with my pdoc, who has been very supportive and flexible and available and moving to a new area, where I don't know any pdocs (although I have interviews with a few T's in the area). I'm scared of what it will be like without a new pdoc.
Will current pdoc Rx me klonopin for the summer? Will my klonopin run out before I find a new pdoc (or even a GP, for that matter?).
And now the piece de resistance- why am I SO resistant to taking klonopin. One of the reasons is that I don't like the fact that it takes away my ability to be vigilant of my surroundings. muffled's right. Some of us abuse caffeine in order to feel "on edge".
The edge is familiar, but the consequences may be scary. On one side is incapacitating general anxiety and acute anxiety and panic. On the other side is the feeling of not being part of this world because I am not aware of the minutiae of those events around us.
Falling off either side of the edge could lead to bad consequences. Get too panicked and I shut down all systems and get really depressed. Get too sedated and I'm tempted to withdraw and get depressed too. And don't even mention the dissociative trances that happen when I'm in terror (which is far too often) or when I experience an extreme emotion or something that hits too close to sensitive spot.
Sorry for such a long post. Just thought it might be relevant to have a full psychological report, rather than a run-down of current meds and current symptoms.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:758838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070509/msgs/758838.html