Posted by liliths on February 20, 2007, at 7:34:56
In reply to Re: Back from Exile: Welcome back Q! » liliths, posted by Quintal on February 19, 2007, at 21:57:06
good morning Q
reading your post brought tears to my eyes because I know you really do wish there was something you could've done.
This board is the only place that really 'gets' what I've gone through. I've had to sever most of my friendships, barely leave the house. I know most people just think I am being 'difficult and selfish' as I just don't have the energy to take care of anyone, much less fake feeling 'fine' in order to go out
the whole contract IS simply about control... and $$. PRN gets off on controlling me (particularly as I fought back) and their contracts net them a lot of money.. from the state, from the labs they use, from me
yes, I've done many things... the problem is I no longer even know how to go out anymore, much less look for work. And in some of my fields, I'm simply too old. Younger, more eager and now better educated people are out there in droves. I put so much time into going back to school, I lost a lot of my creative edge.... and my confidence.
Being treated like this hasn't brought out the best in me.
I keep wishing for a terminal illness. It would makes things SO much easier. I don't even have the energy to kill myself. I'm too aware of the huge mess I'd be leaving behind for those I care about to clean up. I keep saying I have get everything in order first and that's a LOT of work... even on a good day, I barely make a dent. LOL it's funny AND pitiful
hope things are going well.
As always, I thank you simply for being you :)namaste,
lilith> I'm sorry to hear that lilith. I don't watch the work board so that'll be why I didn't see your posts.
>
> >does ANY of this even make sense to you?? And the contract that they get fat off the state from is for 5 f***ing years!!
>
> I don't understand why you can't have any alcohol. It only makes sense as a way of Big Brother flexing his muscles and throwing his weight around. It makes me angry to hear what they're doing to you.
>
> I don't really know what to say other than I feel for you and wish I could have done more to help you through the whole process. I hope you can find a way of getting back into work or doing something you enjoy. I remember you saying you worked in a few different fields a while ago. could you try to find work there again?
>
> How about taking up (again I know) a new career path or training course?
>
> Q
poster:liliths
thread:732459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070219/msgs/734405.html