Posted by corafree on January 12, 2007, at 11:32:31
In reply to Re: Scott/Anyone? Major Depr. Episode - Lexapro?, posted by elanor roosevelt on January 9, 2007, at 23:07:51
I'm here. Seems like weeks. I'm so sorry, and believe me no one is ever harder on me than me.
Point 1: I feel guilty and must make a confession. I've been 'prov*giling' ... enjoying these very activating states it throws me into, butttttt ... this feels wrong somehow. I feel I'm getting a lot more done but I'm not sure I am. Like the faster I go the less I get done. And, just the 'tweak' from depression to intense focus on things, doing things here in the house, and when I'm out more social and more energy, well it feels like something I shouldn't be being or feeling. It provides an exciting deterrant to depression, but it feels like 'abu*e' :(
Point 2 - My ex-h*sband has been hanging around me. Yes, 'that' one! It has raised my self-esteem above the major depression level; pretty sick huh? No, he hasn't/won't been/be in my bed.
Today I go see my P. I just want to throw my elbows up on his desk 'like a bartop' and put my head down and cry. Too low ... too high. No middle ground!!!
He'll ask 'How is the Provigil working'? Truth, sugar-coated truth, untru*h?
Only thing mentioned in this thread I've not been on is Nardil.
Provi*il's in my system now and I don't need as much as initially.
Yep I'm a sorry case alright. Living on coffee, cigs, and meds. My major depression level elevated by the thrill(?) of 'energy in a pill' and 'the affections of a man I should disdain'.
I'm so tired of running around this tree ... I'll turn to syrup(?) pretty soon.
Scott, yes, I was very emotional growing up. Threw (and broke) a lot of hair brushes! Never 'at anyone' of course. And no, I've nevert tried the Nardil, but 'whoa nellie' ... isn't that pretty deep stuff?
cf
cf
ps: Oh and now there's two of me.(?)
poster:corafree
thread:720617
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070107/msgs/721627.html