Posted by mattye on September 4, 2006, at 20:46:23
OK - this is a long message, but I really want to run this by you guys and get your opinion. I had an earlier post about Help with Anxiety. The following is what I want to read to my pdoc this coming Friday:
---------------------
I want to consult your professional opinion on a treatment option that I believe will greatly improve the quality of my life. Specifically, I am wondering about your opinion on Klonopin.I know what you are thinking - that I am trying to get drugs. But I have been 100% honest with you thus far about my addictions, and I can assure you I am not trying to get high. In fact, Klonopin does not make me euphoric in the least. At a higher dose, it just makes me extremely groggy and sleepy - not a pleasant effect for me. I feel no more compulsion to abuse this medication than I do my Remeron. The reason is that the thereputic dose of this medication acheives exactly the effect that I need. Higher doses are not pleasant to me, and besides, I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me. Furthermore, since I am taking the Naltrexone, I do not feel compelled to abuse substances.
Let me explain how Klonopin helps me. I believe I am genetically wired with a hyper-active limbic system. My flight-or-flight response is better attuned to fighting saber toothed tigers rather than life in a cubicle. This is evident from the extensive psychopathology on both sides of my family tree.
My depression stems from the surges of anxiety and panic that overtake my system on a daily basis. Most of these anxious thoughts stem from my low self esteem. My nervous system is constantly jolted into action by alarming thoughts, and I am constantly being soaked with adreneline and cortisol. Often I will ruminate uncontrollably about various worries. I am working with the Health Realization program to practice changing my thoughts, and thereby my mood, but I am having a difficult time with this. Like a broken record, my mind keeps returning to negative and anxious thoughts. I spiral into a dark, hopeless, anxious mood. My boyfriend once said to me, "You live in fear, don't you?" to which I replied, "Yeah, pretty much."
I am tired of living my life in fear. I want to live like other people.
So... the Klonopin has a subtle, but very welcome effect on me. I am calmer, more serene. My back and neck muscles, which are usually so stiff my boyfriend can't even massage me without me squirming in pain, are now more relaxed. I still get anxious, but I am capable of objectively analyzing the worries and letting them pass instead of them overtaking me. I believe that if I am treated with this med and continue weekly therapy and HR meetings I will be able to learn how to manage my anxiety better. When I am ready, I could slowly taper off the med.
Now, I know your drug manual strongly cautions you to NEVER give this drug to people like me. But it is exactly the people like myself that can benefit the most from this medication. For instance, my friend Mike kicked heroin with methadone and xanax. Many methadone clinics treat addicts with benzos because it controls the overwhelming anxiety that compells them to use. As I've said before, the only times I've craved and used opiates is when my anxiety, panic, and depression overtakes me and becomes unmanageable to the point where I seek any kind of relief I can. When I am happy and serene, I don't want to use at all.
Furthermore, from my cursory Google research, I learned that benzos are a safe, well-researched, and effective treatment for anxiety. Klonopin, in particular, has a mood stabilizing effect that helps even out my rapid and disorienting mood swings.
But ultimately, I trust your informed judgement, speaking from years of clinical experience. If you do not believe this will be an effective treatment for me, I will understand. I am willing to give a low dose of Lexapro another try, and perhaps increase my Wellbutrin to counter the debilitating sexual side effects. Ultimately I want to taper off the Remeron, because I don't think it is doing much for me.
I know you are probably used to addicts lying to you to try to get drugs to make them high, and I want to reiterate that in all sincerety, this is not what I am seeking. I am only looking for a way to improve my life, and I believe this is worth a try.
poster:mattye
thread:683153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060901/msgs/683153.html