Posted by Racer on May 9, 2006, at 13:02:17
In reply to Re: fatigue or ennui? Or just the usual AD effect, posted by SLS on May 9, 2006, at 9:34:13
> >
> Have you thought about giving Abilify a try? It probably won't bring you into a state of euthymia, but it can reduce depression and anxiety enough to take the edge off and prevent suicidality. It is weight-neutral. I found that Abilify has helped with motivation and mental energy. Just be prepared for the likelihood of it producing some restlessness, anxiety, and insomnia during the first week or so.That's not something that's come up, so far. I have an appointment for 19 May, and will ask about it then. It does frighten me, primarily because of the weight gain, but as a 5HT2a antagonist maybe it's not gonna be a problem? The weight thing is a bit problematic for me...
I spoke with my pdoc last night, when she called about me running out of Dexedrine. We decided that, since the Dexedrine was rather underwhelming, we'd try raising the WB back to 450 and switching back to Provigil. I see her again in ten days, so we will talk then about whether anything has been better than anything else.
Of course, my fear of doctors is still so strong that that gets in the way, too. When I think about telling her how I'm feeling, I kinda deflate, and kinda decide that going off all drugs or staying with something that isn't *too* bad is better than taking the risk of bringing it up with her.
Especially since my experience with Dr CattleProd really wasn't very good, either. It wasn't as awful as the [excrement] with Dr EyeCandy, but it still wasn't likely to offer any reassurance.
I'll talk to my T about this, though. I chose this new pdoc at her recommendation, because I know they communicate with one another. Maybe if I think she might have talked to pdoc about it, I will be more confident when I see pdoc.
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>I am not in a real good place right now.
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> - Scott
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>And I'm always very sorry to hear that, Scott. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix that for you. You're good people.
And bassman wrote:
> I'd work less about the exact mechanism of what is happening in terms of neurotransmitters and use the Easter Egg Hunt approach to medication.
Which is very good advice. The problem, as usual around here, is having tried nearly everything out there already. Add in things like my reaction to weight gain, and my already low blood pressure, and that strikes a bunch of meds off the list to try again.
> You sound depressed to me...so the meds aren't helping enough, IMO. It sounds to me like everything is related to the depression, period...the negative thoughts, the I-don't-care, the "let's forget the meds", the feeling of depression in the presence of the meds,etc.
I think you're right about all of that. I know that I go through a circle of rumination -- "I'm depressed, changing drugs might help, but if I change drugs, it might make the fatigue worse or I'll gain weight, and that just isn't worth it." There's a bit more, but it comes down to this: I really cannot remember ever having had the depression treated without this sort of brain fog and fatigue/ennui. And the drugs that worked best, caused the most weight gain.
{sigh} Just thinking about this, I feel like giving up.
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> Maybe a visit to the pdoc and a "this isn't working, dude" conversation. I hope you feel better, Racer.
> bmThank you.
And, I just noticed that something came in from Phillipa while I was writing this:
Jan, while I agree that sometimes going off meds in a safe place, to get a baseline, is useful, that's not something I need. If I go off meds, I can do it safely at home.
poster:Racer
thread:641543
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060504/msgs/641778.html