Posted by tygereyes on April 26, 2006, at 20:56:46
I waited only two days after stopping EMSAM (at the lowest dose, 6 mg) to starting Parnate at 20 mgs. I had a hypertensive crisis. It was not resolved with nifedipine. I almost died. Again. I am twenty-three years old. I am a med student and I am an anorectic and I am a recovering heroin (among other drugs) addict and I am a self-injurer and I am hopeless. Truly and completely hopeless. Even the prospect of becoming a psychiatrist (my intended specialty) isn't enough to make me maintain my weight.
I think I might wait a week and give EMSAM a real chance. I am tired of living like this. Please see my post on the Eating board and respond if you can. I am thinking of trying something called Schema Therapy, which has supposedly been effective for Borderline Personality Disorder (my primary dx) and chronic anorexia nervosa.
I feel like I am screaming and no one can hear me.
I have been so hurt by people on this board and some of the responses here have resulted in fresh scars on my skin and yet I keep coming back here and you know why? Because I have no one else. No one. Isn't that sad? I fired my treatment team a month ago because Dialectical Behavior Therapy was NOT working for me and because they had me on a weight contract that was NOT working for me and I can't tell anyone at school about these issues and I am just lost.
Four hospitalizations for anorexia nervosa THIS YEAR ALONE. I am sick of the hospital so do not suggest I go into the hospital. Besides, I'm back in a normal weight range which makes me want to die [not literally, don't worry] and I would NEVER allow myself to be hospitalized unless I was AT LEAST at an emaciated BMI. And I am not suicidal. And I don't believe in hospitals unless it's a crisis situation, which this is not. It is a chronically hopeless situation but not a crisis.
I know there is no pill or patch to make this go away, to make ANY of it go away. The BPD, the anorexia, the self-injury, the drug addiction (plus I have body dysmorphic disorder) ... I know I need therapy for all of that. But which therapy? I've failed so many therapies. And which meds will make it possible for me to even be in therapy at all?
I guess I'll go back to EMSAM. It's worth a try. And I'll look into this Schema Therapy, too.
I want to - NEED to - believe that I can overcome this.
But how many twenty-three year olds do you know who have been labeled chronic multiple times by multiple doctors?
Does anyone ever recover from borderline personality disorder and/or anorexia nervosa? If so, how?
Pretty soon I will be able to write prescriptions. And yet I can't write my own prescription for happiness.
poster:tygereyes
thread:637352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060423/msgs/637352.html