Posted by rod on January 19, 2006, at 11:08:05
... that it takes a load of drugs, to realize how crappy my live is?
Repression ..... thats my key word.
I repressed so much problems actually. My Depression crippled my mind, I was unable to realize my situation..
But I can feel some improvement. Although I havent cried that much in my whole life than in the last weeks... I feel some there are some "barriers", "blockades" which are going away... and all the thoughts they repressed for years, comes out.. in bursts.
it all started 2 weeks before christmas, when I was sitting in fornt of my computer... I thought about my parents, childhood... and then all of a suden a memory popped up.. I saw a picture and could remember the voice of my mother saying something to me... And now comes the weired part. In this very moment, a thick book on my desk, which is standing there for a year or so, toppled down. bang. huh? I dont know why the book toppled down. strange... I live in the apartment my mother grew up, and my granfather died (found him dead on the floor on 24. December.. ).... anyway
I know have realized that my parents actually care a sh*t about me. Money is more important to them than how I am... well. its hard for me.
But that all is a BIG CHANGE in my live, in my perception of my life. My life is crap. I am lonely and want to be loved.. like everyone on earth (I guess).
well well. I even augment my current cocktail with Procyclidine to keep me away from doing ... stupid things.
150mg Clomipramine
75mg Nortriptyline
Selegiline (~10mg)
30mg Nicergoline
1mg Clonazepam at night
and Procyclidine as needed....I am changing. my point of views change. I think thats great
And I think about augmenting my med regime with 2 little, fuzzy, purring cats :-)
oh well, just wanted to say hello
And that I think that clomipramine isnt a high octane dumb drug. Its more like a anti-excitotoxicity smart drug :P
thanks for stopping by and reading.
bye
R
poster:rod
thread:600704
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060115/msgs/600704.html