Posted by Mistermindmasta on October 15, 2005, at 21:54:00
In reply to the bottem of fear - dopamine, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:15:49
> Sometimes at night, I sit and think about what has happened during the day. My thoughts sometimes get wierd, they get i dont know, but it triggers the depth of fear in my body.
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> I sometimes wonder if I am going on the edge of insanity, well at night is when i get like this. I almost have an adrenaline exhileration reacting to something, i went crazy the other day. "No No im not not" its ok, everything is ok, dont think about anything. I one night went into a ultra panic attack, smashed my cell phone and pictures. I look at all the shatter and didnt think this is happening.
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> I pray to god that my thoughts will be normal and stable, i will not have any abnormalties.
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> Have you ever watched a bathtub when water comes out, then you blast it to the max. That is what happens to nuerons, I go, i sit, i start pacing, i start walking through the house, "this is going to pass". I wonder if adrenaline will save me, from my mind. I sit at the couch and see my reflection in the window, who and why?
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> When i have gone to mental institutions (United Methodist Mental Hostpital) they have told me i have severe anxiety, i wasnt crazy. When they asked questions, do you have feelings of paranoia? i could awnser becuase i was paranoid that i was crazy. They said that I may have had symptoms of hypomania with panic attacks.
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> I am sitting here tonight, on my laptop, ready for anything, I dont even want to mention insanity becuase it will start an reaction.
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> I take Zyprexa 2.5 and may move to 5mg.
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> They referred me to a Lithium Treatment Center, i almost said you mean Thorazine Treatment Center, i did, they laughed, and told me im not crazy. Belive us we have many here.
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> Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.
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> Please just tell me what you think?The fact that you've mentioned in your past posts that you "almost enjoy" your panic-esque attacks makes me think that you're experiencing a hypomanic reaction, not any sort of extreme anxiety. I don't think anyone who's ever had a panic attack has ever enjoyed it.
Can you describe what you specifically fear, as far as going crazy? You say that you're paranoid you're going crazy, but what specifically do you feel that you can say is "crazy"?
Like, are you scared you're going to have auditory or visual hallucinations?
Are you scared you're going to be so confused that you have no idea what's actually going on? Does your short term memory get so short that you can't remember what happened a few seconds ago?
Are you just plain scared? Free floating fear?
Keep in mind that almost all people who are crazy / psychotic have a definitive lack of awareness that their thoughts are irrational. You don't seem to have that. You have a strong awareness, almost too strong, of your mental state, it seems.
The idea of "hypomania" with panic attacks seems pretty dead on.
Do you still take adderall or ritalin?
poster:Mistermindmasta
thread:567383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051010/msgs/567403.html