Posted by Maxime on October 1, 2005, at 7:36:48
In reply to Re: enough » Maxime, posted by Declan on October 1, 2005, at 1:29:25
> Hey Maxime, I was just thinking....you know how depression's a made up word, its meaning is not clear (DSM notwithstanding) unlike unhappiness, dread, fear, words that have a very clear meaning to us. You didn't use the word depression, I know, but.....(do you mind me asking?) what have you had enough of?
> DeclanI have had enough of life. Living with depression all the time. You see, Parnate did relieve me of my depression (about 80 percent of it). But now, I think all it does is get me out of bed. I cry all the time ... anytime, anyplace. I've lost friends. My mom is sad and can't handle seeing me suffer. This gives me enormous amounts of guilt.
I also have an eating disorder to contend with.
My face rarely shows expression anymore. I feel like I am dragging a ton of brick around with me all the time because everything takes so much effort ... even having a shower.
I know the Parnate is doing something to help me because I have gone into catatonic depressions before where I couldn't even dress myself. I just stared out into space.
I've had enough of always thinking of suicide. When I walk around the city I'm always looking for things (buildings to jump off, construction sites to jump into) that might be a way out of this hell.
I've had enough of spending what little money I have on meds that barely help.
I've had enough of being alone.
So that is why I say I have had enough of life because I am not living ... I'm already dead inside. I am only existing.
Maxime
poster:Maxime
thread:560375
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050927/msgs/561529.html