Posted by Tenifer on September 22, 2005, at 22:24:36
In reply to Re: Remeron and Cortisol » Elroy, posted by Elroy on September 22, 2005, at 20:55:12
Hi Leroy,
Yes, all of a sudden. But looking back I should have seen it coming. I had been under tons of stress since,well, for a long time. I was a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne Division back in the late 70's, early 80s and never got used to the anxiety of jumping out of airplanes. But the anxiety was gone after the jump.
Jump forward a few years and now I'm a police officer and have a constant state of tension when I'm out on patrol, punctuated by extreme moments of terror and adrenaline surges.
in 1990 I started an inside job that turned into more stress than the street work. This is all due to damn computers. Anyway, this set the stage. Add to that going back to college and getting my 4.0 GPA-first in the class (but at what cost) and other stressors and the stage was set.
My parents were not in good health and my father had major heart surgery. A few months later I experienced a panic attack in work when I got trapped inside a locked vestibule and couldn't get out. That was a complete surprise to me! I managed to pull myself together and found a way out. Immediately thereafter my anxiety dropped off, like its supposed to do, and I joked about it to my cooworkers when they came into work later in the day.
Now jump forward a couple of more months to May 2004. I get a bad case of poison ivy and start a 6 day course of Medrol. Coincidentally, I mention to my doctor the day I saw him about the poison ivy that I've been feeling anxious lately, mostly in work. It never interfered with my sleep and always improved when I got home and later in the evening. He handed me Lexapro along with the Medrol. I didn't take it, because I didn't think it was that bad. It didn't interfere with my life in any way.
Well, 2 days after completing the Medrol I literally thought I was going insane. It felt like my brain were tearing itself to pieces! It was the most horrific experience I had ever had. That was the first week in June 2004. At first I thought it was Medrol withdrawal.
I got a little better a couple of days after that and only had a "baloon" head - lightheaded. That came about pretty quickly when, after not having eaten for about a week, I forced myself to eat a soft pretzel. Within a few minutes I was feeling much better (wish I knew why).
But it didn't last, 2 weeks later I had another crash, on Monday, when back at work. I went to the doctor and he started me on Paxil which was a nightmare and made me MUCH worse. Then we added Ambien for sleep, then Desyrel for sleep, then Buspar to augment. I couldn't titrate the Paxil cause it made my anxiety worse and caused such a sharp mood swing into depression, all I could do is cry and wait for the effects to lessen.
We quit the Paxil and tried Effexor. No good.
Got off everything and actually felt better for a while - not good, but better than I had ever been on the meds. But, a couple of weeks later, my sleep went back to hell and I struggled to find something natural since the doctors had given me poison - my confidence in MD's, needless to say, is shot.
The only thing that helped me was St. John's Wort (Metagenics brand - 900mg day which I raised to 1125) I was able to sleep. Sometimes I would need a benadryl but I could get 5-7 hours of sleep. Stresors would always upset this fine balancing act though. I never got to full remission, things just got to a level where I could manage better.
The I started L-tryptophan. 6 days after starting the TRP I had one of the best nights I have had in over a year. I felt completely normal! That was Sunday night and I was really encouraged that, if I could contain the stressors in my life, that I would be on the road to recovery.
On Monday night, the next day, Labor Day, my father passed away. He had been in a nursing home and was slowing fading. My sister and I were at his bedside.
Ever since then I have lost my grip on the tightrope and am struggling to reliably sleep. I'm back to resorting to Ambien, benadryl, vistaril, ativan, klonopin, and beer to get myself 5 hours of poor sleep. I'm having intense anxiety that is easily provoked by a song, traffic, someone talking to me, etc. I'm crying uncontrollably for no reason and am now, for the first time, experiencing some significant anger and hostility. Could this be grief? Maybe so, but with my fractured nervous system its worse than anyone living has experienced I'll bet.
Now, as far as cortisol goes, the interesting thing is that when this whole debacle started I had serum testing done. This was while I was on the Paxil. Instead of lowing it, the cortisol went up while taking the Paxil (no wonder it wasn't friendly to me!).
Note, these are all serum cortisol (AM) with a reference range of 4.0 - 22.0
6/29/04 : 17.4
11/23/04 : 22.1
2/1/05 : 24.6
8/26/05 : 23.9 (and this was BEFORE my father's passing. I can't imagine what the corticol levels are now. :(Have you ever had serum cortisol levels checked? I'm curious what my levels might translate into if converted to UFC (if thats even possible to guess).
I'm more than convinced that there has been a breakdown on my HPA Axis regulation. The sudden onset of these severe symptoms and their response to St. John's Wort, which helps modulate HPA function, just lend more evidence to it. The question is, how do I get it back down where it belongs and get it to stay there without taking neurotoxic meds the rest of my life?
I'm about ready to give up and give some meds a try but the side effects and withdrawal effects worry me...especially the insomnia. I'm considering the following:
Neurontin
Doxepin
Remeron
InderalAnd even "beetle dung" if it will help slow me down so I can relax and sleep. ;)
I have benzo's but am very reluctant to take them because of the addiction potential. And SSRI's and anything even mildly activating are not options for me. Too sensitive.
Anyway, thats the redacted version of my tale. I've read alot of your posts and will try to see if I can get a UFC and a late nifghr salivary cortisol test done. I mentioned it to my holistic doc once and she said it wasn't very reproducible. I don't care. Its another piece of information; a piece of the puzzle so to speak. We'll see what she suggests tomorrow. Whatever happens, I need to get stabilized before this thing turns into an even bigger monster down the line.
Great to know I'm not alone out there Elroy. Its a shame we can't chat online anytime soon. I find typing and email to be a frustrating pain in the ark. :]
Hope to hear from you soon and that improvement continues. May God be with you,
David
poster:Tenifer
thread:124535
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050921/msgs/558353.html