Posted by TamaraJ on July 19, 2005, at 17:18:34
In reply to Re: Bad (but expected) news about ADs » Tom Twilight, posted by SLS on July 19, 2005, at 16:49:01
I know that the first time I was put on an AD at the age of 35 I DID have a very good response, which was in no way placebo. As a matter of fact, after two weeks on the drug, I was ready to throw in the towel because the side effects were so bad and I actually felt worse. I stuck it out, although I was convinced that it would never help me. Then over the course of about a week or two, I started to feel better - the severe anxiety I had been experiencing (which was worsened by start-up side effects) began to subside and the depression started to lift. It was such an incredible relief, and I don't regret having taken Paxil, my first AD.
My second depression took hold about 9 years later, but was more the result of severe iron deficiency. And, after two more physical illnesses, the depression deepened. This time, it has been a struggle trying to find an AD to at least part the veil enough so that I can do the things that I know will help me get completely back on my feet, although, for the most part (and until recently), I had been making a point of exercising daily, trying to eat well and taking vitamins and other supplements to improve my physical condition.
I, personally, am about to give up. I can't live like this anymore - trying one drug after another. I have tried to maintain some faith that I will be fortunate enough to have a similar response to another med, or combination of meds, as I did to Paxil 9 years ago. But, I am demoralized and tired, and, as pitiful as this sounds, I have lately just been hoping for a heart attack in my sleep to put me out of my misery. Can't believe I just said that, but it actually feels good to get it off my chest.
I started Zoloft just over two weeks ago, and have been at 75mg for 3 days now. I feel worse than I did before I started the Zoloft, if that is possible. Although I am no longer as apprehensive and experiencing as much anticipatory anxiety, I am exhausted and down and thinking about how I wish I was dead (not something I usually think about). Maybe Zoloft isn't for me. Maybe I should just stick with Nortriptyline and go back to experiement with natural supplements. Maybe it is a case of it gets worse before it gets better. I don't know, I just don't know.
All I know is that I don't know what to believe anymore - past experience tells me ADs work - current experience tells me maybe they don't work as well as I thought or as well the second time around. I want to believe they do work. I want to maintain some hope that I will be me again - not euphoric, not down, but somewhere in between.
Is it too much to ask? Sorry for the rant.
poster:TamaraJ
thread:530123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050718/msgs/530197.html