Posted by Kreedi on July 6, 2005, at 9:24:07
Worrying about the future can be weird for those of us who live with depression. Ever since I had a “relapse” in March and April, after 2 ½ years of complete remission (of both depressive symptoms and dysthymia), I’ve been preoccupied, sometimes mildly but sometimes greatly, with the thought of future relapses. The statistics seem to be against me: after at least six major episodes (since the age of ten) and underlying dysthymia, future “outbreaks,” even with treatment, seem virtually certain. (By the way: my scant reading on the “kindling” theory seems to be mostly about bipolar disorders. Does current thinking apply it to unipolar depression as well?)
And now I’m worrying about being worried, since I know that stress can be a trigger. I’m even worried, occasionally, on another meta-level, about being this worried or anxious about stress, the future: if I were fully well, the worry wouldn’t be or seem excessive. Some context: I’m planning to move countries in just over a month.
Stepped up from 112.5 of Effexor XR to 150 and then 187.5. The last two months, May and June, I’ve felt well again. But lately, for the last few days, that dreaded low feeling has returned to some degree. I cried today with despair, frustration, tiredness. Is this a relapse, I can’t help but wonder; was the remission only partial or temporary?
So, should I (1) Be aggressive and step up to 225 of Effexor? (2) Add Buspar? (3) Do both? (4) Just wait to see if these melancholic and anxious feelings are transient? I’m asking all this because I’d like to manage my move and change – much looked-forward-to for very long – with excitement and joy rather than dread.
Of course, I know that definitive answers to any of this don’t exist. But any thoughts, medical or otherwise, would be appreciated.
Kreedi
poster:Kreedi
thread:524209
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050702/msgs/524209.html